Oh, Deere, Cockshutt Shut Out!
GLENROCK, WYO., USA Things took a turn for the worse during the annual Patriotic Olde Tyme Tractor Pull and Parade which kicked off Redneck Days 2009 when long time entrant and four time tractor pull grand champion Ives Trophez, 76, lined up for the...
Read full storyFirst Ronnie Biggs, then the Lockerbie bomber; will the Yorkshire Ripper be next?
HMP Belmarsh - (Jim'll Fix It Mess): A hale and chipper Ronnie Biggs was still partially comatose today after knocking back yet more gallons of prescription Stolly-Bollies*. A five day bender celebrating of his 80th birthday get-out-of-jail card/t...
Read full storyHillary Clinton Outburst Not Silent, But Deadly
Hillary Clinton cleared the room after ripping off a chord on the butt tuba during a question and answer session in the Congo. The toxic release apparently occurred after a Congolese student was misinterpreted as asking what her husband, Bill, though...
Read full storyLongknob searching for Pirates off Sussex Coast
The British Navy, at the request of the Russian Government has despatched its secret weapon - "Thor Longknob" aka Noel Thomas, Gatwick's most feared Viking re-enactor to hunt down and kill the Swedish pirates operating in the English Channel. Long...
Read full storyDennis the fanny
Dennis the Menace, the loveable young rapscallion is returning to British screens soon but as what happens with most of the things people love, He is having a slight re-think. Yes it seems the Political Correctness group of bored overprotective T.
Read full storySir Bobby to Manage Heaven XI
The late Newcastle United manager Sir Bobby Robson has announced today that he will be holding trials to represent Heaven United FC in the upcoming grudge match against AFC Hades. In a press conference by the Heaven FA yesterday, Sir Bobby was confi...
Read full storyMiley Cyrus' Pole Dancing Pole Is Now On eBay
LOS ANGELES - The dancing pole that Miley Cyrus used during her "Dancing In The USA" number on The Teen Choice Awards Show has been put up on eBay. The show's director Colton Mandalay said that 24 hours after it had been posted the top bid for the...
Read full storyAdam Lambert and Kevin Skinner To Record An Album
LOS ANGELES - The managers of Adam Lambert and Kevin Skinner have sent out a press release that the two singers will be going into the recording studio and making an album. The producer of the album is the highly talented Chad Butterbeer who has p...
Read full storyMassive Cock Seen from Space Station
NASA and the European Space Agency have today announced that staff on the International Space Station have proof of alien visitation to earth. Brad Cunnilinga of Nasa's Press relations team said today, "At 04:45 hrs today Anatoly Felchski Commande...
Read full storyJaime Pressly's Public Pee?
Newly-engaged actress Jaime Pressly is laughing off reports that she was caught urinating in public, insisting the photos that were shown on the internet actually show her carrying out a party dare from her wedding shower. In the photographs, Pres...
Read full storyHigh School Musical linked to new disease
Adolescents the world over, when they aren't stealing hooded tops, snorting alcopops and bumming Grannies, are huge fans of High School Musical. My own feckless brood can often be found staring slack-jawed at the TV marvelling at the antics of gr...
Read full storyRabbis' swine flu over the cuckoo's nest
Tel Aviv - (Yom Kippur Mess): A motley gangbang of fundamental rabbis, Jewish mystics and assorted biblical nutters have denied multiple c[o]unts of gross indecency 30,000 feet above the Negev desert aboard an El Al Nudist Airways Airbus-300. The...
Read full storyPolo Knockoff Knocked Out
A company in China has been calling it's new men's cologne, Jockey, which claims that the odor is that of Polo. However, the Ralph Lauren Company has sued the Chinese over their product. A judge in the hearing late last year ruled that the Chinese...
Read full storyHealth Care Screamers Swamp ERs
Emergency Rooms are treating a brand new ailment-one they have temporarily dubbed "Town Hall Throat" - a painful condition brought on by the crescendo of choreographed Town Hall screaming by opponents of health care reform. "Our ER admissions fo...
Read full storyShocking Weight Loss Program Takes America by Storm
WASHINGTON, D.C. - Americans are suddenly getting fitter than ever as town hall debates over health care energize people to get off their fat asses and be heard, according to a recent study. Add to that the fact that many Americans are simply too...
Read full storyBizarre Attacker Stalks Suffolk Town
In the early hours of Sunday Morning (9th August 2009) near Ipswich Railway Station a young woman was attacked by a mysterious stranger. Local woman Edna Horatio was woken from her alcoholic slumbers by the woman's screams, and immediately dialled...
Read full storyJaime Pressly Denies Peeing In Public
WEST HOLLYWOOD - The star of My Name Is Earl, Jaime Pressly adamantly denies that she urinated in public. West Hollywood Police Officer Elvio V. Yerbabuena said that at approximately 2:31 a.m. he spotted the 32-year-old blonde starlet squatting in...
Read full storyVatican Condemns Greed: Puts Money Where Mouth Is
After condemning Italy's National Lottery for promoting greed and love of money, the Vatican decided today to set the good example by taking steps to clean its own house. "We have been sadly remiss", stated a highly placed Vatican spokesman today.
Read full storyObama to Kill All Elders: Report
The Wonderous and Excitable Union of Brown Shirts United (WEBSU) released details of the Obama administration's health insurance proposal today. Received in an extremely private message by the group's leader Genghis the Toker, the plan reputedly tout...
Read full storyMangelson - The Megalomaniac Ventriloquist
This morning's Today programme "interview" of Dark Lord Peter Mangelson has resulted in the Business Secretary being sectioned under the Mental Health Act. Repeatedly during the interview, the recently created peer interrupted and argued with hims...
Read full storyWhy, I Otter!
DRUMMOND, WI, USA Iggotte Nein-Pantzer, 51, sought emergency medical services after skinny dipping in Lake Owen near Drummond last Wednesday. The Altach, Austria resident was on her annual vacation with her husband, I. De Weere-Pantzer, a native of...
Read full storyAngelina And Brad Screw In Trees Using Tadpoles For Lube
In a cringemaking interview, Brad Pitt and Angelina Jolie have issued lurid details about their sex lives. "The last time we did it" says Brad, "I sprained my left elbow getting out of the stirrup". Angelina laughs delicately at this and comments...
Read full storyMisguided Anti-Terrorist Group Tries To Kill Off Stephen King, John Carpenter
In a noble but misguided effort, members of a Vigilante group from Texas attempted to kill both Stephen King in Maine and John Carpenter -back visiting his home place in Kentucky where he had returned to see the family and the place where he grew up...
Read full storyKatie Price cuts her rate
As a result of her break up from Peter André, Katie Price has been told that she must halve the rates she charges for personal recommendations, talk show appearances, writing drivel for tabloid newspapers,cheap celebrity magazines and all other Jorda...
Read full storyVictoria Beckham Snaps: Light Breeze To Blame
'Posh' Spice Victoria Beckham was hurt today when she left a hotel in LA. She had just stepped out onto the street when a slight draft blew up. Conscious of Miss Beckham's current state of thinness, photographers rushed over to catch what happened...
Read full storyKathy Griffin Wants To Have Levi Johnston's Baby
LOS ANGELES - The star of the Bravo Network reality show, My Life On The D-List Kathy Griffin has announced that she wants to have Levi Johnston's baby. Johnston, is the 19-year-old father of Bristol Palin's baby Tripp. When Levi was asked where h...
Read full storySpoof hijacker blamed in missing Russian ship fiasco
Atlantic Ocean - (Fishy Tales Mess): A leading Spoof writer and self-proclaimed Brest-man is the top suspect behind the seizure of a 3,988-tonne Russian cargo ship, the Arctic Sea Marie Celeste. The cyberspace-registered vessel was carrying a £10...
Read full storyBean Flicking in Crumpet Dean
Women of all ages from around the sleepy village of Crumpet-Dean in Gloucestershire will today be joining the locals on the green for an unusual event to flick-start the harvest season. Today marks the annual 'Flicking Of The Bean'- a competition...
Read full storyWere celebrity's near-fatal burns caused by Spontaneous Human Combustion?
CHARLESTON, WV -- Ten weeks after the late May fire that resulted in 2nd and 3rd degree burns that very nearly killed pseudo-celebrity Tijuana Ramada, West Virginia Arson Investigators have tentatively ruled the blaze that gutted the entire 5th floo...
Read full storyNazi's and Train robbers
Some people, long haired people believe the world and everything that comes with it is all held at an equal balance. A metaphorical set of scales being looked over by fate and karma, when one person dies another is born (over population proves otherwise but we can gloss over that), when a good deed is done a bad deed must follow. And it seems that this week the universal balance has been clear for...
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