Obama to Kill All Elders: Report

Funny story written by mamad

Wednesday, 12 August 2009

The Wonderous and Excitable Union of Brown Shirts United (WEBSU) released details of the Obama administration's health insurance proposal today. Received in an extremely private message by the group's leader Genghis the Toker, the plan reputedly touts incentives, claims to cut costs of health care and reduce the tax burden for all.

Fulfilling the worst fears of the brave opponents of any change in anything, at all, Genghis reveals that Obama will personally force euthanasia of all people over the age of 60. Savings in health care dollars and social security payments will free up tax dollars to work in the community, supporting the flagging funeral industry. In a related story, younger members of the grave diggers union profess themselves thrilled at the news.

While details of the euthanasia imperative have not been fleshed out, Genghis is able to report that feeders from a giant gas pipeline will be installed in all population centers. Elders will be assigned convenient inhalation times.

People over the age of 40 who choose early self-termination will be given space on priority lines, provided with comfortable seats while awaiting their turn, and will enjoy a tax deduction of up to 30% for the year of termination, unless they are in the upper income brackets. In these cases, a fee will apply.

Asked for comment, Obama shook his head and muttered something about needing to improve access to mental health services.

Meanwhile, Genghis has refused independent access to the plan. Proudly refusing to actually attempt to understand the administration's health care proposal and ignoring the insidious doubts of rational human beings, Brown Shirts shouted "Believe US or Die". They plan marches in proud recognition that their delusions are justified, nay proven.

Repeating their mantra "Just because you're paranoid doesn't mean they're not following you", they will use the internet to stir up the passions of the fearful and easily manipulated ignorant among us. Riots, burnings and window-breakings are planned followed by a national keg party. Nachos will be served.

The funny story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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