Hip Hop Star Shot Dead After Concert
Texas hip hop superstar Mac Daddy Oswald was shot to death backstage following a concert in Vatican City yesterday. Rival hip hop artist Bling Dawg Ruby was immediately arrested by the Pope's security force, the Swiss Guard. The shooting is th...
Read full storyIsrael And Palestine Unite Against Gaza Strip Club
News is emerging tonight that arch-nemeses Israel and Palestine have finally found common ground, in their joint disgust at the grand opening of a new venue on the Gaza Strip called The Gaza Strip Club. On hearing of this immorally indulgant teas...
Read full storyTexas to become Independent and reinstate Slavery: President Rick Perry
Houston (New Texas Country): President Rick Perry announced that Texas is to become a new independent state as result of the economic and recession effect. He also announced that Texan who want to join Union will be prosecuted in full public view jus...
Read full storyNew Police Powers To Be Rushed In By Government
The Government has decided to introduce new Police powers following the incidents at the G20 protests. After one death and two complaints of Police brutality, the Government is to act. From now on the Police will have the authority to kill and maim a...
Read full storyMetropolitan Police To Be Disbanded
London. Night. - Reports are emerging that the Metropolitan Police are to be disbanded. A statement issued by a dreadlocked white chap wearing a balaclava from a squat in Stockwell predicted that the Metropolitan Police's days are numbered following...
Read full storyGordon Brown Quits The Labour Party
Gordon Brown has quit the Labour Party. He wrote to his constituency party outlining his reasons for such an action. In the letter Brown speaks of the feeling of 'betrayal'. "The Labour Party no longer has the same values as when I first joined it...
Read full storyMatthew Perry Seeks Corrective Surgery For Repetitive Strain Injury
Former Friends star Matthew Perry has confirmed that we were right about him all along. He is seeking surgery on a repetitive strain injury. "I've damaged my hand. I've been using it too much. I've been in my bedroom really bashing it. After all t...
Read full storyEuropean Commission to Crack Down on Dissenters
Brussels, Belgium. A report has leaked out from the office of Giorgio Borrasa, European Commissioner for Continental Insecurity, a top secret office inspired by the Department of Homeland Insecurity in the land of the unfree and home of the afraid.
Read full storyThe Seed of Janeane Garofalo and Keith Olbermann
Part 1 - First Encounters On a quiet afternoon in the green room of an NBC studio Janeane Garofalo and Keith Olbermann were having a cup of coffee and talking to each other after a somewhat exhausting on air interview. "We really nailed those un-American, ignorant rednecks today" said Janeane. Keith looked towards her, deep down he knew she was not mentally sane but felt strangely attra...
Read full storySusan Boyle gets divorced
Susan Boyle, 48, from West Lothian who stunned the judges on Britain's Got Talent singing 'I Dream A Dream' from Les Miserables is reported to have gotten a divorce from an 80 year old man who is a member of the dreaded Taliban. A day after her...
Read full storyIs Susan Boyle The Late Peter Boyle's Sister?
That's the question going around both Britain and the United States because of her uncanny resemblance to the late actor! Although Peter Boyle, famous for his role on the TV hit show "Everybody Loves Raymond" and who died two years ago, was listed...
Read full storyIran jails US journalist on "shaky legal grounds"
The jailing of US journalist Roxana Saberi by an Iranian court today has raised a number of legal and human rights queries. The journalists trial took place behind closed doors and Amnesty International are describing the process of the trial as "...
Read full storyMadonna Sued By Red-Headed Stepchildren
A group of attorney's for the red-headed stepchildren of America is suing media star, Madonna, over her recent remarks about red-headed stepchildren. Brosnan Cooper of Cooper, Cooper And Goose told reporters that his firm has taken on the task and...
Read full storyJessica Simpson Asks For Help As Weight Hits 189!
After trying diet after diet and seeing several doctors, Jessica Simpson has decided to go back to an old friend after helping out at a recent money raiser for Naomi Judd, who recently hit 300 until almost dying from a massive gas attack that nearly...
Read full storyHot News Scoop / Jamie & Gordon to form new (non) political party
The Jagged-Edge Monitoring Bull-Shit and Lies Show Ltd Co. GmbH, BV (multi-lingual global coverage!) otherwise known as JEM-BALS or GEM-BALS (G replaces J whilst Jaggedone is being Gagged and tortured by the Mossad, Al Quaida or Aljazeera Int.) has r...
Read full storySexy Starlets Turn to Lard
Hollywood - Lard injections and lard implants are the latest plastic surgery procedures to become popular in the city of the forever young. "Lard has unfairly been neglected as a natural beauty agent" says leading plastic surgeon Dr. Victor Nicho...
Read full storyRush Limbaugh Carries Extra Golf Balls In Mouth
Founded in 1973, The Heritage Foundation is one of the most widely respected research and educational institutes in the world. However, this weekend's golf matches to raise funds for conservative causes ended unexpectedly when radio talk show host...
Read full storyHumberside Police Round Up Fat Ladies
There was pandemonium in East Yorkshire tonight, when officers of Humberside Police raided various addresses in Hull in a bid to arrest and detain every fat lady in the city to prevent them from singing, after Hull City lost yet again. The 1-0 los...
Read full storyMiley Cyrus Offends American Indians!
Popular teenage idol Miley Cyrus, aka Hannah Montana, has been accused of offending some native Americans by doing a "Woo-Woo-Woo-Woo, Hey-ya, Hey Ya" dance after being told her latest movie had set a record. Apparently the great news sent Miley i...
Read full storyPhoenix Wright Wins Trial Despite Only Three Word Vocabulary
Only three words were in the defence attorney's vocabulary during the trial; "Take That!", "Hold It!" and "Objection!" all of which were shouted. Surprisingly, despite the lack of evidence, witnesses and talking in general, Phoenix Wright still won t...
Read full storyMr. Potato Head First to have Face Transplant
New York - Famed child toy Mr. Potato Head has spoken up against the medical community and recent advances in human transplants claiming he was the first to have a total face transplant. "Well it was a long time ago yet I remember it as if it was...
Read full storyEuropean Moon Probe Reveals Landing Site
The European Space Agency (ESA) probe SMART-1 has, as expected, discovered the original moon landing site. The project's founder, Dr V. Beardly, was quoted as saying, 'It is really good that we can finally put those conspiracy theories to rest. A...
Read full storyCouples heads explode in bizzare freak accident
LONDON, England - Police department spokesperson Bobby Gay, of the London Police told me the details of the recent explosion that rocked Trafalgar Square this morning. Jalopenoman and Skoob per smooching in public when suddenly their heads both ex...
Read full storyThe President's New Clothes
Once upon a time, many many years ago, there lived a man far far away, who was a stranger in a strange land. And many terrible wars inflicted this land, and many bad men worked for the evil king, King Shrubulus the Densest, and those evil men took people to the king's castle, and locked them in the dungeons there. And then the evil men went and waged more terrible wars against all the other kin...
Read full storyHugh Fernley-Whittingstall Fires Chicken into Jet Engine
The celebrity chef Hugh Fernley-Whittingstall has stirred up controversy with his latest stunt in his long running battle with cheap supermarket chicken. Hugh has been filmed on a recent visit to an aviation test facility, where he shoots a dead c...
Read full storyAlice Mahon quits Labour Party
Former MP Alice Mahon, 87, has quit the labour party today having "blooming well had enough of it all". The former MP, 89, has originally stepped down as MP after describing Tony Blair as a "berk" however agreed to remain in the actual labour part...
Read full storyRafa Benitez gesture to Sam Allardyce explained
The controversial gesture made by Liverpool FC manager Rafa "Chief Akimwolo" Benitez at the Blackburn dugout last week has been identified, not as implying that the game was over, but as an ancient Aztec gesture. The Liverpool manager has been rec...
Read full storyJonathan Ross accused of being nice
BBC presenter Jonathan Ross has been accused of being nice to one of his guests on his weekly talkshow. In what is seen as a remarkable scenario, the guest in question was asked to explain what it was like to be surrounded by attractive ladies, when...
Read full storyBudget 2009: Darling to cut up debts
Alistair Darling is set to use the Budget to slice up the national debt, slash taxes and save the UK from recession. An early draft of the Budget speech leaked by the blog EveryOneLovesAlistair reveals taxes will be cut for all except legally defi...
Read full storyYears of painstaking plastic surgery to get the Susan Boyle look says Michael Jackson
Los Angeles, Ca - (Cry Me A River Mess): Singer Michael Jackson has told reporters he thinks Britain's Got Tarrant! contender Susan Boyle 'must have had many years of plastic surgery' to get her unmistakeable looks. "Was it really Elizabeth Taylor...
Read full storyObama unveils his new tricycle
President Barack Obama today grabbed headlines across the world, as once again he showed that America leads the world economically and politically - by unveiling his new toy tricycle. 'Yippee!' he said to journalists, 'thanks Michelle! Now I can p...
Read full storyPepe Reina Injured, Laughing Boy Charles Itandje To Deputise Against Arsenal
Liverpool boss Rafa Benitez got the bad news he didn't want to hear ahead of Tuesday's crunch encounter with Arsenal at Anfield, when first choice goalkeeper Pepe Reina was ruled out with an injury, and in his place comes the Laughing Frenchman, Char...
Read full storySalvatore Goombalini: I'll Take Care of The Somali Pirates For Free
QUEENS, New York - Salvatore Goombalini, head of the well known New York City Goombalini family has said that he is willing to have his "Company" take care of the Somali Pirates once and for all and he'll do it for free. Goombalini, aka "The Pizza...
Read full storySusan Boyle tossed off BGT
Overnight sensation Susan Boyle was ruled ineligible to continue in the Britain's Got Talent television show after it was learned that she was paid for her work on a charity CD. Boyle sang Cry Me a River on a 1998 CD to benefit the Foundation for...
Read full storyPaul Potts lends advice to Susan Boyle
With the release of Susan Boyle's second big hit "Cry Me a River", her potential seems boundless. We talked with the golden voiced spinster about her future and her relationship with former BGT discovery Paul Potts. Susan Boyle may have found a me...
Read full storyObie Lays Off Bush-Cheney Torturers
Barry Barack Obie Obama has ironically added to the very unemployment rate that his economic rescue plan is seeking to remedy. Obie has announced immediate layoffs for Bush-cheney torturers in the CIA, FBI Homeland Security and the IRS. This one...
Read full storyLizzie II Invites Susan Boyle to Queen's Karaoke
Since the Queen has taken up with hip young thang, Michelle Obama thangs have changed in the royal palace. fashion has grown surprisingly modern and the decor has a shocking new African theme. Her Majesty has been out and about to all hours of the ni...
Read full storyThe Film The Face Stood Still
Film critics have been raving about the brilliant casting of Keanu Reeves as the alien in human flesh in the remake of the Science Fiction classic The Day the Earth Stood Still. Oddly this may be the first good review Reeves has received since he pla...
Read full storyGay Marriage Legalized in Afghanistan
Kabul Afghanistan: The Afghan parliament legalized same sex marriage between men and men today. The new Afghan legislation came in the wake of President Obama's surprise announcement that all 16 million Afghan women will be leaving the country by...
Read full storySusan Boyle To Tour With The Rolling Stones
LONDON - Susan Boyle, the 47-year-old singing sensation, who until recently hadn't been kissed, has just been signed to go on tour with none other than the Rolling Stones. Miss Boyle told a reporter for the BBC that it is a dream come true. She sa...
Read full storySusan Boyle To Appear Nude In PlayDude Magazine
CHICAGO - PlayDude Magazine has just announced that they have won the battle of the dozens of men's magazines that were vying for the rights to have England's singing sensation Susan Boyle appear in their magazine. Miss Boyle will appear as PlayDu...
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