Written by Abel Rodriguez

Saturday, 18 April 2009

image for Salvatore Goombalini: I'll Take Care of The Somali Pirates For Free
Salvatore Goombalini's $18 million estate 'Villa Goombalini' located outside of Poughkeepsie, New York

QUEENS, New York - Salvatore Goombalini, head of the well known New York City Goombalini family has said that he is willing to have his "Company" take care of the Somali Pirates once and for all and he'll do it for free.

Goombalini, aka "The Pizzaman" recently told CNN's Anderson Cooper that he wants to show the American people that just because he is in the "Restaurant Supply" business doesn't mean that he isn't patriotic.

Sal said that he has talked it over with his nine brothers and they are all in complete agreement that they will provide their "Services" to the United States Government and that it will not cost the American taxpayer one red cent.

As Rigatoni "Two Ton Tony" Goombalini said, "We the Goombalini brothers are a very proud family. We pay our bills, we pay our taxes, and we pay our hit men, excuse me, I meant to say our employees."

Garbanzo Goombalini added, "And we donate lots and lots of money to homes for unwed mothers, including The Angelina Jolie Home For Unwed Mothers, The Goldie Hawn Home For Unwed Mothers, and The Nadya Suleman Home For Unwed Mothers.

In fact, our younger brother Pistachio "Pretty Face" Goombalini, 21, actually has three girlfriends living in The Angelina Jolie Home For Unwed Mothers, Jenny "Lips and Hips" Frickalino, 22, Gabrielle "G-Spot" Glabasetti, 27, and Leonora "Luscious Legs" Montefusco, 39."

Of the 10 Goombalini brothers, three actually received college degrees. Giuseppe Goombalini received a Bachelor of Laundering Degree from Statue of Liberty State College.

Dino Goombalini received a Bachelor of Cementology Degree from The Lower East Side Academy of Artistic Endeavors.

And Stromboli Goombalini received a correspondence Bachelor of Loan Sharking Degree from The Jimmy The Weasel Institute of Financial Financing.

So Sal Goombalini says that hopefully he will soon receive a phone call from President Barack Obama telling him that his 'Company' has been hired by The United States Government to see to it that every single one of the Somali Pirates is sent to swim with the fishes.

In other news. Venezuelan President Hugo Chavez told Barbara Walters that he likes President Barack Obama 279 times better than he liked President George Bush.

The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

Do you dream of being a comedy news writer? Click here to be a writer!

Spoof news topics

Mailing List

Get Spoof News in your email inbox!

Go to top
readers are online right now!
Globey, The Spoof's mascot

We use cookies to give you the best experience, this includes cookies from third party websites and advertisers.

Continue ? Find out more