Jessica Simpson Asks For Help As Weight Hits 189!

Funny story written by Bureau

Saturday, 18 April 2009

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After trying diet after diet and seeing several doctors, Jessica Simpson has decided to go back to an old friend after helping out at a recent money raiser for Naomi Judd, who recently hit 300 until almost dying from a massive gas attack that nearly took the life of three concert-goers in the front row.

Yes, Richard Simmons, despite his recent battle over hemorrhoids has agreed to help both gals.

The pop sensation has made her name on being a more wholesome alternative to her skin-flashing or sometimes, hoo-ha-flashing peers, but that has not stopped Simpson from playing up her looks and features. But everyone from the National Enquirer to her grandmother Britney Maude have taken notice during the Judd event that there seemed to be much more of Simpson than they can ever remember.

"She's fat as a hog!" stated Grandma Britney Maude, to put it mildly.

"Now, I'm not one to make fun of people, or kick them when they're down or when they blow up like a Macy's Day Woody Woodpecker Balloon," stated Granny, but something has to be done."

She then did a shout of "WoooooWeeeee!...SUEY!!", when she caught sight of Naomi. "And I thought Jessica was larding it over everyone!"

However, weight-guru Richard Simmons soon arrived and waddled the girls inside a barn used for the fund raiser and apparently had a real heart-to-heart with them.

"Simmons could not be more pleased that Jessica and Naomi looked to him for advice," Jessica's spokeswoman said in a statement to reporters. "There is no one that has gotten more publicity, both good and bad, about her weight and size than Simmons and Naomi. He is the perfect person to help Jessica through this private time."

Stay tuned to The Weight Channel for twice-weekly updates on two of our favorite gals.

The funny story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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