European Commission to Crack Down on Dissenters

Funny story written by J.K. Baltzersen

Saturday, 18 April 2009

image for European Commission to Crack Down on Dissenters
Dissenters will be cracked down on wherever the EU flag flies.

Brussels, Belgium. A report has leaked out from the office of Giorgio Borrasa, European Commissioner for Continental Insecurity, a top secret office inspired by the Department of Homeland Insecurity in the land of the unfree and home of the afraid.

The leaked report says the European Commission should step up efforts to combat internal terrorists. The report is inspired by a recent report from the Missouri Information Analysis Center, a report known as "The Modern Militia Movement" Report. The European report is further inspired by the "Right-Wing Extremism" Report from the Department of Homeland Insecurity.

According to the report, there are several groups to be followed closely. Amongst these are members of Ron Paul Meetup groups, Daniel Hannan supporters, monarchists of the kinds supporting monarchs having more than a mere emasculated, symbolic role.

An anonymous source says there is reason to be concerned about the latter group, as almost 1,000 Luxembourgers signed a petition to have a referendum on the powers of their Grand Duke. 1,000 is 4 % of the petition requirement, and it's 0.2 % of the entire Luxembourg population. These are frightening numbers. We must strike down on non-believers in our mass democracy. If we do not, democracy itself will be threatened.

The President of the European Commission, José Manuel Barroso, declined to comment on the secret office and the leaked report, and we all know what that means.

Commissioner Borrasa was unavailable for comments.

Our anonymous source says the Americans are a bunch of wimps. "Apologize? Although Barroso and Borassa never will admit that the office of Commissioner for Continental Insecurity exists, I can assure you that they will play hardball. Is that supposed to be the land of Senator McCarthy? Can't those Americans stand for anything they do these days?"

We talked to the Conservative British MEP Daniel Hannan about the report, but he declined to comment, as there was obvious suspicious noise on the telephone line.

Opponents of the Swedish FRA legislation are also targeted.

Paris Hilton and Britney Spears will not be threatened by the European Commission, as their modernist crap is totally in line with what the Commission believes in.

We are waiting in excitement to see how long it takes before The Spoof is shut down.

The funny story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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