Unemployed Workers to Deliver Bailout Funds
The United States government announced today, that it is speeding up delivery of bailout funds to the poorest banks hit hard by the economic crisis. The plan calls for newly-unemployed workers to deliver these funds as quickly as possible to these ai...
Read full storyMI5 Chief Orders - "Light at End of Tunnel turned off"
"M" The Head of the British Secret Service has ordered that the light at the end of the tunnel be turned off at night in case it attracts "Somalian Pirates" or other "naer- do -wells" ! "M" formally known as "Q" and also "1st Sea Lord KCMG & B...
Read full storyTiger disqualified from US Masters
Tiger Woods, the no.1 golfer in the world, has been sensationally disqualified from the Masters. Crowd favourite Woods has fallen fowl of the pernickety rules of golf and will not compete in Sundays final round. Rule 87(b)(iii)pararagraph 2 states...
Read full storyTime Not What It Used To Be
Shocking poll results released today reveal that nobody really understands the concept of time or even agrees on how to describe it. One man checked his mobile-phone and then his watch, discovering the times to be completely different. As incompre...
Read full storyPirates All Set To Wage War On Scunt
Following the heart-stoppingly scandalous revelations that website Scunt has been nicking stories from classic spoof website TheSpoof.com, the group of scurvy seadogs who united to bring you all the 'Below Decks' saga has vowed to set the record stra...
Read full storyAnelina Jolie Enrages PETA By Wearing "Fur" Outfit
After hubby, Brad Pitt, allegedly moved out of their place last week, Angelina Jolie was spotted once again on the set of her latest flick, Salt, in New York City this week wearing a fur-trimmed cape along with what looked to be a beautiful matching...
Read full storyWoman Loses Memory On The Mind Eraser, Sues Park
A Georgia woman who says she lost her memory on the Mind Eraser roller coaster a year ago is taking Seven Flags Amusement Park to court. Cheryl Robin Heinson said the shoulder harness failed to hold her securely in place and she repeatedly struck...
Read full storyJournalists run out of 'Tiger' cliches for headlines
As the final round of the US Masters began today, journalists were panicking as they realised they'd run out of cliched headlines about Tiger Woods. 'The Tiger roars', phrases using the words 'claws', 'paws' and even 'growls' had been used to deat...
Read full storyAs Taliban nears Islamabad Pak Prez Zardari and PM Gilani begin growing beards
ISLAMABAD, TALIBANISTAN: It is now official. The Taliban are only meters away from Islamabad. The US embassy has closed its doors and renegade PAK ex-Army Generals and their virulently anti-American ISI buddies have emerged from the woodwork. Th...
Read full storyE-mails were juvenile and inappropriate "and 100% accurate" say disgusted former Tory backers
London - (Cyberspace Ass Mess): Former Tory Party backers have hailed Damian McBride's 'juvenile and inappropriate' email slurs as damned accurate. "Especially the one about David Cameron being Tony Blair's firstborn son and Real IRA blind truss p...
Read full storyIsraeli pirates hijack American ship
Israeli pirates today hijacked the U.S.S. 'America', as it sailed pointlessly round and round in circles in the Red Sea, as it has been doing for the last 45 years. The pirates' leader, 'Black' Olmert, said: 'It was easy! We had lured the 'America...
Read full storyGhost Of Elvis Presley Says He Wouldn't Be Seen Dead In Leeds
Spoof reporting team DK128 today were treated with the most amazing spoof story yet. Bigger than aspartame, more significant than peanut butter, and certainly much bigger than the world's largest penis. The DK128 Consortium actually achieved an in...
Read full storyCongressional Democrats Reveal List of Insane Members
Washington, D.C. - In response to Rep. Spencer Bachus (R-Ala.), who claims to have a list of 17 socialists in congress, Speaker of the House Nancy Pelosi (D-CA) announced that she has compiled a list of 178 clinically insane members of congress. Alth...
Read full storyMore Comments By Andy Rudey
What If We All Went Out With A Bang Instead Of A Whimper? Wouldn't it be something if rather than dying a little at a time of some disease or another, our bags would just suddenly explode? Or, maybe, her breasts exploded if you were a woman although there are a lot of big-breasted men these days. You could be in the middle of a game of Pinochle and suddenly, your bag explodes and you're gone...
Read full story23 Least Popular Candy Heart Messages Of 2009
Your Ass Not So Big! Be My Chained Basement Friend Made In China Goose Me Got Lice? Me N Wndo At Nite Levitra Larry I B Long War Injury Breakback? UR A Meth Gasman Got Penicillin? Toenail Freak Lobeman Gooner Grabber I B Dogged Da Jerkin Gherkin T T Real? Meek Geek GoofBalls Wilted Willie O B Still...
Read full storyAngelina Jolie and Madonna join together to write a "Adopting foreign kids" book
Angelina Jolie and Madonna have joined forces to produce a new book/guide to adopting children from less developed countries. The stars describe themselves as "full of Knowledge" when it comes to this topic. The book called "Adopting foreign kids"...
Read full storyTeachers To Boycott School
Teachers have decided to bunk off school. The announcement was met with chants of "No More School!", "Sats Your Lot" and "Schools Out!" The teachers have become upset at the way the schools are being run. Education chiefs were quick to condemn the...
Read full storyOmaha To Change Its Name To Obamaha
OMAHA, Nebraska - In a surprise move, the Omaha city council has voted 5 to 3 to change the town's name from Omaha to Obamaha. Councilmen Leon Waynard who led the move said that there are several very good reasons for the name change. First and fo...
Read full storySomali Pirates Hijack American Town
Biloxi, MS - Armed with AK-47's, nearly two dozen Somali pirates have stormed the town of Biloxi, Mississippi, holding residents hostage and demanding ten million dollars in ransom. With naval forces from China, Japan, Germany, and others patrolli...
Read full storyLindsay Lohan Having A Bad Week!
Let's face it, it's been a bad..really bad week for Lindsay Lohan. Earlier in the week she apparently got dumped by Samantha Ronson "for good" which in Hollywood terms means nothing except a reconciliation would bring more publicity. But Ronson a...
Read full storyVegan Al-Qaeda terror branch was targetting Huddersfield pie factory over fake Halal meat claims John Prescott
Huddersfield, W Yorks - (Pie-in-the-Sky Mess): Ex-UK Deputy Prime Monster John Prescott has blamed militant vegan Al-Qaeda terrorists for the blast which killed a 37-year-old Huddersfield pie factory worker this week. Prescott says he's seen evide...
Read full storyTop terror cop's secrets blunder 'was staged after MI5 ultimatum'
London - (Real IRA Mess): Spooks' sources hinted today that Assistant Commissioner Bob 'Tosser-of-the-Yard' Quick had already been ritually fired three hours before last Thursday's Official Secrets papers photo-op fiasco. His appearance outside 10...
Read full story"Good Boy!" Man Acting Like Dog
A woman in Mansfield, Louisianna, told police that her boyfriend was "acting strange" all day and wandering around a housing development they were visiting and eating a lot of dog food. "She said he was a regular user of PCP," a hallucinogen, sai...
Read full storyQueen's seizure shocker as Easter bomb factory found in Harry's castle bedroom
Windsor Castle - (Easter Uprising Mess): "I though he was just growing some harmless skunk like all my other grandchildren!" were the last audible words muttered by hoax monarchy tribute act Queen Elizabeth II following an anti-terror raid on Windsor...
Read full storyModern Day Pirates
MSN - The pirates are often from TheSpoof.com, a website riddled with poverty and corruption. (Search for more on TheSpoof.com pirates.) How modern-day pirates strike: Plan and prepare: TheSpoof.com pirates have money and spies in ports around the world to learn ships' travel plans, typically using page three girls. They also use high-tech gear such as transistor radios, mini-maglites and op...
Read full storyThe English Language Gets Its Millionth Word
It has been forecast by lingual experts that the English language will receive its millionth word in April 2009, as reported on NPR. I would like to have the honor of being the person who invents the millionth word. It will be 'freedibiacle'. It will refer to that nasty itch you get in your nose when you are in public and can't scratch it without looking disgusting. It gets so bad that you hav...
Read full storyFDA to Tighten Labeling of Mud Pies
Tutankhamen, IDAHO - The Food and Drug Administration today announced that it was tightening label requirements for home-made mud pies. Little girls across America are struggling to comply with the emergency order which will go into force the Monday...
Read full storyIrish Cricket Row Turning Nasty
The row about whether an Irishman can like cricket escalated. The Pope entered the argument. "The midwife should have slapped his arse. What's an Irish guy doing liking cricket. It looks so much better on tv than real life." Spoof.com cricket cor...
Read full storyGallagher Finds God!
Oasis frontman Noel Gallagher, today announced he was putting the finishing touches to his latest project. As he stood drinking Special Brew in the garden of his estate in Chalfont St.Peter it was hard to ignore the giant structure towering above...
Read full storyAuthorities Powerless to prevent Terror Threat
Police switchboards have today been jammed after a serious Islamic threat brought terror to the population of the UK. A group calling itself "Tandoori Restaurants against unfair and unjust wars in the Middle East" today threatened to remove Chicke...
Read full storyDangerous Drivers A 'Menace' Says Lady Cop
A Police chief has claimed that dangerous drivers are a menace and police resources should be diverted to tackling this issue. Juliet Bravo, Chief Constable of Cambridgeshire, said "The driver in the car behind you is speeding. He is not wearing a...
Read full storyWho The Hell Is Lindsay Lohan, And What Does She Mean To Us?
Sir Alex Ferguson was today reportedly spitting feathers following Manchester United's failed bid to sign up Lindsay Lohan. Who nobody this side of the Atlantic has ever heard of. But who apparently has a huge lesbian following stateside. "When...
Read full storyGermans Battered Again - Will They Ever Get It Right?
Wednesday, Nou Camp, Barcelona - The Germans, in the guise of Bayern Munich, embarked once again on a mission to conquer Europe here tonight, but as history tells us, German domination isn't happpening anytime soon. Led by uber alles supremo Jurgen K...
Read full storyFerrets, Whippets, And Flat Caps To Blame For North-South Divide
The north/south divide: is it a myth, or is there something deeeper going on here that lesser mortals can't quite grasp? Analysts are pretty certain that a rift was formed under the governance of Mrs Thatcher, as she effectively shut down the nort...
Read full storyFBI, US Navy and Somali Pirates Sing Easter Hymns together
In an amazing flashback to a WWI Christmas in European battlefields, this Holy Week has brought Somali pirates, American Naval officers and agents from the Federal Bureau of Investigations together in a sunrise Easter service in the Indian ocean.
Read full storyWhen the Dusk Fell, Part 5
Now, Zule, panting, said," Yusef can you teach me donkey riding?' Yusel replied, " Why no'. Come. I'll show how." Zule, turning to her husband, said," Honey, do you mind him teaching me donkey riding?" • Not at all. Yusef, running toward the tent, said, " Le'm ge' the sa'le." Zule shouted, "Oh, don't bother; I like the bare back. Come on let's go." Yusef grabbed the tether and pulled the...
Read full storyPanda slaughter in China continues unabated
What could they possibly need with so many pandas? Some claim that since the eradication of Falun Gong worshippers the Chinese black market for organs has been in a state of panic. It would seem that panda penises are in great demand, along with livers, kidneys and hearts. In the senseless killing that has gone on unabated the curious funny bear is close to extinction. In a more recent develo...
Read full storyMadoff Opens Sperm Bank
Bernie's dripping assets at the centre of a new controversy. In a unbelievable twist today, it was thought that the ponzi scheme king had set up shop at Sing Sing where he is serving his 150 year sentence for defrauding everybody. It was thought this...
Read full storyExcremental Artist Santiago Sierra's Mega Shit Show
Fine Art Review Team - "Hey Sierra, Get your shit together and get your zipper up". If only, but noooo this pooo's for you. This is fine art and high culture far beyond the tearful eye of the common man. Once again the snooty art world treads int...
Read full storyPirates of Somalia
The pirate standoff in the Indian Ocean just off the coast of Somalia has degenerated into world wide protest of which has not been seen since the 60's. The leader of the pirates is none other then the famous Jack Sparrow who is remembered to have b...
Read full storyUS Navy to use new "sex spray" on Somali Pirates to prevent gun-toting semen from escaping
Somali, Africa - One of the more controversial rescue plans to prevent captured US citizens and their pirate captors from reaching the shores of Somalia calls on US Naval helicopters to be outfitted with the new Belfast 'sex spray' that has recently...
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