Shocking poll results released today reveal that nobody really understands the concept of time or even agrees on how to describe it.
One man checked his mobile-phone and then his watch, discovering the times to be completely different. As incomprehension dawned on his face, he realised that time was not just a non-spatial continuum in which events occur in irreversible succession from the past through the present to the future, and suddenly he could no longer determine whether he was running early or running late.
A smug philosophy student attempted to address a gaggle of panicked citizens but had to be rescued by Police after the crowd became violent in the face of his abstract and unhelpful speculation.
The only advice on offer from the government is to enjoy this holiday from unreality while it lasts.
