"M" The Head of the British Secret Service has ordered that the light at the end of the tunnel be turned off at night in case it attracts "Somalian Pirates" or other "naer- do -wells" !
"M" formally known as "Q" and also "1st Sea Lord KCMG & Bar" issued a rarely known piece of paper called a "D" notice authorising this unprecedented action.
The Mandarin from Thames House on the Embankment told our reporter in "hushed tones" on a "secure line" that the risk of attracting more "trouble makers" into our already "full of trouble makers nation" couldn't be overstated.
In fact the threat is so great that it can't be understated or stated either, if you know what I mean?
As you read this story we have a team of cryptologists trying to work out what it really means as it all sounds like a riddle to us in the office?
