Israeli pirates hijack American ship

Funny story written by matwil

Saturday, 11 April 2009

image for Israeli pirates hijack American ship
Israeli pirates refurbish galleons to attack Americans - using American money

Israeli pirates today hijacked the U.S.S. 'America', as it sailed pointlessly round and round in circles in the Red Sea, as it has been doing for the last 45 years.

The pirates' leader, 'Black' Olmert, said: 'It was easy! We had lured the 'America' into the Red Sea with promises of local power and democracy, and other childish stuff, and then it was child's play for us.'

'We stormed 'America' and stole everything we could from it, money, weapons, aid, and we even left are famous calling card on board as we left - a card with a skull and crossbones on it, and the message 'Do Not Mention You Have Been Robbed By Israelis On Your News, Or We Will Hunt You Down To The Ends Of The Earth!'

And another Israeli pirate, 'RedseaBeard' Shamir added: 'They were sitting ducks, we just pulled up in a rowing boat and shouted 'Float and deliver!', and sure enough the 'America' gave us all the taxes and guns Olmert hadn't plundered. It was almost embarrassing, they were so feeble.'

The news of such easy pickings has drawn pirates towards the Middle East like a magnet, and it was reported that pirates from Vietnam, Iraq, Korea, Afghanistan and Lebanon were already sailing there, though some paused briefly to refuel and blow up a few embassies on the way there.

Meanwhile in Saudi Arabia and the UAE Arabic pirates were already sitting sharing out their booty, after stealing millions from the U.S.S. 'Oil Reliant'. 'We held them at cutlass point 'til they gave us their treasure', Captain Camel said, 'they tried to run away but we told them to stay put, or we'd send them one of our pirates, 'Dumbo' Bush, to run their ship for our own ends. We still did that anyway, just to makes fools of them!'

Americans themselves had to think long and hard about what excuse to give their own people about the pirates, and their lack of strength in fighting them off, and Hillary 'Shiver Me Facelift' Clinton suddenly had an idea. 'I know', she said, 'we'll call them 'terrorists'!'

'Then somehow they cheated, and although any other Western country would have wiped these verminous pirates out easily - France recently did, for instance - we of course couldn't because - they're terrorists! Woo hoo! That should fool a few million watching Fox and CNN, into the usual delusion of American strength when they can't even take on sap pirates!'

Middle East pirates were beginning to tire of the boring hijacking of American ships, and were starting to think of a few excursions across the Atlantic to attack cities there for better plunder.

'Of course cities like New York are the most heavily defended places on the planet', Captain Camel said, 'which is why we'll find it easy to sail two boats right into Manhattan without them noticing, and raze the Two Towers of Antiquity there to the ground! Splice the mainbrace!' President Obama as usual had nothing to say about the continuing piracy.

The funny story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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