Fastest Isn't Quickest
Luxury car manufacturers such as Mercedes Benz, Lexus and BMW are calling on GPS software companies to include more features used with calculating routes as the needs for faster cars is different to that of the humble motorist. For many users, the...
Read full storyUK smoking ban causes more clouds
Top UK scientist Professor Hugh Jarse revealed this week that the UK wide ban on smoking inside buildings had caused an abundance of cloud formations. "A six month study of the skies above the city of London offices has shown 20% more cloud covera...
Read full storyObama Cries Foul - Calls McCain a Big Bully
Barack Obama in an apparent move to level the political "playground" has filed a complaint with the Department of Justice accusing rival, John McCain, of bullying him unfairly. The Department of Justice has so far not commented on the complaint, b...
Read full storyBoot in the Bum Planned for New York Mayor
Now that Mayor Mike Bloomberg is nearing the end of his eight years in office, rumor is that he's decided not to leave, although term limit laws prevent him from running for another term next year. "He's like a guest who overstays his welcome,"...
Read full storyFashion Designer reveals Oprah and Michelle Obama unknowingly choose identical gowns for Barack's swearing-in ceremony! Seamstress arrested for selling design to Wallmart!
A fashion designer has revealed that Oprah Winfrey and Michelle Obama have both chosen identical gowns for Barack's Presidential swearing in ceremony. "Of course they were unaware that they had both chosen the same style complete with matching ti...
Read full storyWorld in shock as Bin Laden discovered responsible for credit crunch
The Worlds most wanted man Osama Bin Laden was revealed as being behind the global credit crunch. Osama's tactic was to use many identities to get ridiculously huge mortgages across the planet then deliberatly defaulting. A bedsit in the east...
Read full storyEco Airline Bombs
London - (Ass Mess): A high-flying airline's recent brainwave cost-cutting idea of changing over to eco-fiendish coal-fired planes has dive-bombed according to reports. Fifteen of the firm's Airbus A340-600 fleet have been grounded after passenger...
Read full storyChristianity in turmoil following revelations
Major religion Christianity was dealt a heavy blow today when archaeologists uncovered the acknowledgements page of the Bible. Buried deep beneath the rubble left behind a recent Israeli assault on a Palestine stronghold the page was found by a yo...
Read full storyPaul McCartney Says 'Michelle' Was Written For Michelle Obama
New Yawk, NY-- Sir Paul McCartney said today the famous Beatle's song, 'Michelle', was written for Michelle Obama. The ex-Beatle was in New Yawk today for treatment on his marijuana addiction. Sir Paul says he smokes "about 20 joints a day, or maybe...
Read full storyFormer Church Organist Revels In Prog-Outfit 'Purgatory'
The rural town of Ahsbourne is well known for its closely-knit community, its efficient farm produce, and most of all - its loyal church goers. Every sacred Sunday, congregations gather within St. John's Church to indulge the cherished preachings...
Read full storyTony Blair Hidden Ruler
Yesterday, it was found out that Tony Blair, Former England Prime minister, is the 2nd biggest terrorist leader on Earth, second only to Asama Binwaden, Tony Blair also made the Hurricane heading towards the Caribbean with 75 million hair dryers.
Read full storyCookery Programme Puts Thailand On Verge Of Civil War
There were fears for the safety of Britons living in Thailand today, after the Prime Minister Samak Sundaravej was told by a court in Bangkok that, as he has violated the constitution by appearing on a TV cookery show, he must step down from office.
Read full storyEd-E-torial 25: Meet The "Other" Two Girls One Cup Girl
(New York--NY)Meet the girl who could have had web fame if it weren't for a cruel twist of, uh, Fate. You may ask where our new co-host, Amber Colt, found her? Well, the story just came to Amber, and we think you'll find it if nothing else amusing. Check her out.
Read full storyBoson Doomed?
Higgs Boson is to be appointed as new manager at Newcastle. Mr. Boson was last seen managing the CERN team until his disappearance some years ago. The board at CERN have been disparately searching for the elusive Mr. Boson for some time now, and w...
Read full storyInvisible man still missing
Das Spoof; Germany: Police in Berlin are becoming increasingly worried about the fate of a local invisible man after he was not spotted for the 36th consecutive day. Chief Inspector Gadget of the Berlin Police said - "So far all our efforts in fin...
Read full storyHong Kong UFO blamed for London Stock Exchange fiasco
London - (ET Mess): A rogue UFO that has been circling above Hong Kong for the last six months emerged as the prime suspect behind a technical glitch that shut down the London Stock Exchange for seven hours on Monday. A stock exchange spokesperson...
Read full storyPolish cops keep mum as incest nutter hires Joseph Fritzl lawyers
Grodzisk, Poland - (Sordid Ass Mess): Police in Grodzisk are keeping mum after a Polish copycat incest nutter who emulated Joseph Fritzl by imprisoning his 21 year-old daughter for six years and fathering her two children hired the Austrian pervert'...
Read full storyPalin wanted honor for Kennedy
Roadkill, Alaska - Governor Sarah Palin has confirmed reports that the proposed Alaskan 'bridge to nowhere' was to be named the 'Chappaquiddick' in honor of Senator Ted Kennedy. Other names considered for the Gravina Island Bridge included: 'The...
Read full storyLeonard Cohen in Sex Controversy
The Canadian songwriter Leonard Cohen may be forced to abandon his world tour mid run as rumours of his previous sexual impropriety have run amok in recent weeks. Cohen, 73, had intended his current world tour, motivated in part by his manager abs...
Read full storyParalympics Chaos: Witnesses Sought After Horrific Pile-up
There was chaos at the Beijing Paralympics yesterday, when, during the 5000m wheelchair extravaganza, several chariots collided with each other and other vehicles, causing a pile-up of gargantuan proportions. Edith Hunkeler, of Switzerland, caused...
Read full storyOld Mother Hubbard to sue her son years after his death
Old Mother Hubbard, perhaps best remembered as the lady who went to the cupboard to get her poor dog a bone, has decided to take her son to the High Court over 20 years after his death because of the anguish and bad publicity his actions have caused...
Read full storyAndy Murray Vows To Have A Shave
Andy Murray, the beaten finalist in last night's US Open Tennis championships at Flushing Meadows, has said he knows he has to improve elements of his game if he is to win a major tournament, and has vowed to have a shave. Murray lost in straight...
Read full storyUnited (Nations) revert to 4-4-2
United Nations manager Ban Ki-Moon admits his side may have been tactically naive and shouldn't even have been on the pitch during the last round of the Anglo-American Name Claiming Championships. Peacekeepers were called to the touchline as Brits...
Read full story'Globetrotter' Palin reveals travel tips
International cosmopolite Sarah Palin has revealed her top travel advice for readers of this months World Traveller magazine. Among the nuggets of wisdom include: "Ditch the baby." "Have plenty of polar bear jerky for the ride." "Always...
Read full storyHillary Clinton Shoots Sarah Palin in Fair Fight!
Tombstone, Az - In a scene reminiscent of the old west, Hillary Clinton was in Tombstone, Arizona to give a speech to disgruntled former John McCain campaign workers when who should appear but Sarah Palin. "At first I wasn't sure that shrill voic...
Read full storyWriters Guild of America to Discuss Whether Bob Novak's Brain Tumor Is Funny
Leading members of The Writer's Guild of America are meeting tonight in Los Angeles to discuss whether veteran political commentator Bob Novak's brain tumor is funny. "Normally these things are felt to be considered in bad taste," remarked vetera...
Read full storySarah Palin Eaten by Polar Bear
Security guards and fellow-hunters out for a day's sport along with Alaska Governor Sarah Palin watched in helpless horror yesterday afternoon as a large polar bear (Ursus maritimus) suddenly emerged from the trees, gobbled up the Republican Vice-Pre...
Read full storyPharm Giant Bristol-Myers Invests in Bristol Palin Maternity Vitamins - They're Real Blubber!
Pharm Fantasma Bristol- Myers has purchased the rights to Bristol Palin's name, a relative nobody pregnant teen till her busy (some might call it negligent) Republican Mom was named John McCain's new mate. B-M's marketing experts urged them to purcha...
Read full storyPalin Will Wage Civil War to Free Alaska From Inferior Forty Eight!
GOP Veep candie Sarah Palin has promised as a good Christian submissive wife( Ephesians 6:6) she will submit to the God-given wisdom of her husband. Such divine inspiration has led the family patriarch to seek the independence of Alaska from the unio...
Read full storySarah Palin Mocks Global warming: "It's friggen frigid where I live!"
The Govfrigidaire of the frigid frontier of Alaska questioned the science of people like Al Gore and the prohets of global warming. Palin explained that she didn't know what it was like in other parts of the southern 48 but in her neck of the woo...
Read full storyFuture Palin Son in Law and His Chaw of Tobacky at the Whacky RNC!
Before Obama had his tongue in Sarah's mouth and Cindy's lips had their collagen Budweiser injection, statutory rape assailant and future Bristol, Myer Palin's husband, Levi Johnston, chewed tobacco on the stage at the RNC! The father of the possible...
Read full storyDems Vote to Overturn Alaska Purchase...Return to Russia!
Anchorage/AP - House and Senate Democrats voted unanimously to retroactively impeach former Secretary of State William Seward and Senate Committee Chairman for Foreign Relations Charles Sumner for the purchase of Alaska in 1867. Purchased from Ru...
Read full storyMcCain names Cabinet members
Buoyed by enthusiastic conservative reaction to his nomination of newcomer, Alaska Governor Sara Palin, John McCain today took the unusual move of naming some of his Cabinet choices. Rick Davis, McCain's campaign manager denied the move was politica...
Read full storyThe Russian Empire Strikes Back
Brussels Belgium, September 7, 2008: Member countries of the European Union (EU) and NATO awoke this morning to a Russian surprise. Premier Vladimir Putin had said "he would not use military force to counter NATO ships in the Black Sea, but other mea...
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