Dems Vote to Overturn Alaska Purchase...Return to Russia!

Funny story written by Morse

Tuesday, 9 September 2008

image for Dems Vote to Overturn Alaska Purchase...Return to Russia!

Anchorage/AP - House and Senate Democrats voted unanimously to retroactively impeach former Secretary of State William Seward and Senate Committee Chairman for Foreign Relations Charles Sumner for the purchase of Alaska in 1867.

Purchased from Russia for the sum of $7,200,000, or approximately 1.9 cents per acre, the 586,000 mile territory became known by the liberal media as "Seward's Folly".

Incensed and panicked by the overwhelming positive response to the appointment of Alaskan Governor Sarah Palin as a VP Candidate, militant Democrats want to expel the state, get rid of its elected officers, and return it to Russia, which has been diminished in stature and land mass in recent years due to democratic enlightenment, and could use the oil and other natural resources to further enrich the Russian Mafia and former KGB officers controlling the country.

House Speaker Nancy Pelosi said having Russia as a close neighbor would make it easier for her and presumptive Democrat President Elect Barack Obama to drop in and "chat" with the radio active Russian President," Death by Plutonium" Putin, as they work tirelessly to bring back "socialism" as a viable alternative to Democracy.

Senator Harry Reid said that with Alaska gone and Palin stripped of her authority, she no longer would have any verified experience or status as an elected official of a "disappeared" state and Obama's 143 days in the Senate would seem like "a lifetime" of experience.

The pressure against Palin was stepped up yesterday when Rev. Al Sharpton and the Reverend Jesse Jackson, the two most outspoken, and misspoken, black advocates (for themselves), vowed to look into allegations that Palin shot an Alaskan BLACK Bear that attacked her as she was field dressing a 1200 pound elk in the wilderness. Palin said she had to shot the bear in self defense but Sharpton had none of it.

"No white person can shoot anything black...and I mean anything, for no reason. Only a Black person can shoot something Black, mostly each other , and mostly for NO reason!" Sharpton backed up his usually fuzzy statements with statistics from Detroit, Chicago,Philadelphia, New York, Houston and New Orleans in stating his case.

Satellite photos confirmed that Soviet Liberation Forces were massing in Siberia preparing for the new bridge to Alaska earmarked on Senator Barney Frank's (D, Ma) bill to financially bail out the Boston Firefighters' Union.

The Union has gone broke paying disability payments to former firefighters who participate in body building contests, the Boston Marathon, and more recently FBI Most Wanted, Whitey Bolger, head of the former Winter Hill Gang and confidant of many Boston Pols who sprained his ankle after only one day on the job, while hiding in plain sight for the past 13 years.

Citizens in Alaska, where everyone is armed and considered Dangerous, were preparing a march on Washington, DC, where until recently no one was permitted to own a firearm. Democrats were frantically approving Gun Store Licenses in order to arm themselves, even against their own principles, and for all the wrong reasons, and against the wrong people, as usual.

The funny story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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