Debate Over Debate Escalates in Canada
Ottawa - Reading from a prepared script with US secret service agents flanking him, Prime Minister Steven Harper announced "The fact that the Canadian election is set for the same time frame as the US election this year is purely coincidental. It is...
Read full storyHottie Sarah Palin Talking Doll Hits Market...Republicans Fuming!
HOTTIE NEWS - She was never a household name, but she is more than that today. Of course, HOTTIE NEWS is talking about the Republican Party's choice for VP, Sarah Palin, the 'barracuda' Governor of Alaska. But, looking at what McCain said earlier...
Read full storyFleetwood Pier inferno - hundreds of suspects arrested
Following Tuesday morning's fire which destroyed Fleetwood's historic pier, causing hundreds of pounds worth of damage, Lancashire Police announced the arrest of over 350 suspected arsonists. At a press conference this afternoon, a representative...
Read full storyThe GOP's Official Band?
Albuquerque F. Pettigrew, Jr, a spokesman for the McCain/Palin campaign has revealed that he plans to call Ann Wilson (Nancy's sister)in hopes of trying to convince her to allow their band "Heart" to become the 2008 GOP Republican Campaign's Official...
Read full storyThis season's football outlook
September In London a sizzling afternoon of HOT-HOT-HOT is expected as Brazil come to town to meet a blustery Argentina, with highs of 3-0 and 22MPH westerly winds from Ronaldinho's tooth gap. October Sven will continue to be paid £12,000 a week dole money by the FA and will be seen easing further south claiming he was the one who invented the wristwatch and gave ABBA their big break.
Read full storyDoing the loco-motion
The Queen has said that having Andrew Motion in the post of Poet Laureate has put her 'right orf' poetry for good and that she was only trying to do the 'ungrateful b'ard' a favour. After hearing Motion complain that writing for the Royals cause...
Read full storyNuclear scientists in orgasm over Large Hardon Collider
Leading minds from the world of high-energy physics have gathered for a weeklong orgy under the Swiss Alps, where each is hoping for a Big Bang with their newly installed Large Hardon Collider. "It's better than s to the power x," said one ecstat...
Read full storySaturnShip-One
From a NASA press release: NASA Confirms Liquid Lake on Saturn Moon "PASADENA, Calif. -- NASA scientists have concluded that at least one of the large lakes observed on Saturn's moon Titan contains liquid hydrocarbons, and have positively identified the presence of ethane? ""Detection of liquid ethane confirms a long-held idea that lakes and seas filled with methane and ethane...... Methane and...
Read full storyWorld ended today
Professor Hugh Jarse was left red faced today as the world ended following the disastarous Large Halon Collider experiment. "Unfortunately the calculator we used had a sticky number 7 key and this caused an error in our calculations which led to t...
Read full storyMonica Lewinsky Bobble Head Doll Big Hit at Clinton Roast!
Chicago/AP - Democrats lined up at the Podium to roast their former President , Bill Clinton, and raise funds for Senator Barack Obama's quest for the Presidency, at the $50,000 a plate dinner hosted by Rosie O'Donnell, formerly of The View. Inclu...
Read full storyLarge hard-on collider behind big bang theories
Switzerland - (Big Ass Mess): "Sure, ya, it makes the earth move!" was the only comment from the top CERN physicist in charge of spoonfeeding luddite press imagination following today's big bang workout in a Swiss underground bunker formerly used by...
Read full storyMoonie attack UFO behind Iran nuclear bunker earthquake fears
Bandar Abbas, Iran - (X-Files Mess): A UFO suspected of attacking religious nutter the Reverend Sun Myung Moon's helicopter over Thailand last month may be behind the earthquake at a top secret Iranian military nuclear bunker near Bandar Abbas. Th...
Read full storyCompulsory a-sexual drug to be introduced for mothers-to-be
A new drug has been developed by GayEric Inc. which transforms the gender of a foetus from male or female to a-sexual, essentially causing the baby to be born sexless. From 2009 all mothers-to-be will be legally required to take the drug, known a...
Read full storyRupert Murdock Reacts to Pro Obama Rant, Buys The Guardian!
London/Reuters - Media Mogul Rupert Murdock reacted quickly to a recent editorial in The Guardian, a left wing rag, that proported to tell the Yanks that Obama was "The Messiah" and the President the country had been waiting for! Columnist Jonatho...
Read full storyUpcoming TV highlights
Wife Swap special: If I only had a wife 2 single men are filmed in their respective homes and after 2 weeks come together in a church hall to discuss football. - 9pm C4 Swimming with Dinosaurs Ex-Heartbeat star Nick Berry travels 6000 miles from Stockport to the shores of the Isle of Man after getting on the wrong train, along with a Stegosaurus, Ceratosaurus and 3 Dimetrodons to put them i...
Read full storyGOP Political Ad
The following appeared in Out Yonder Illustrated Magazine. The Maverick-Barracuda Gang. From out of the Wild West comes one of the most feared "Outlaw/Inlaw" gangs that the land has ever seen. The McCain-Palin gang are certainly two of the most notorious "Punslingers" to have ever strapped on leather. They ride into town on the Straight Talk Stagecoach #2 and all of the townsfolk come...
Read full storyCERN in LHC acronym mix up
News has just come to light that the scientist a CERN have had a contractual mix up with the LHC acronym LHC which they wanted constructed in Geneva stands for Large Hadron Collider but in an amazing turn of events the major contractor mistook 'H...
Read full storyObama Slur on Palin Causes Run On Lipstick, Viagra & Condoms!
Everywhere in the World/Reuters - Middle age men in raincoats converged on 24 hour pharmacies worldwide causing a run on lipstick, viagra and condoms after Barack Obama's stump speech where he slyly likened VP Candidate Sarah Palin to a "pig with lip...
Read full storyNational Lottery Fake Ticket Scandal
A man from Leicester has told how he cashed-in on unclaimed National Lottery Jackpots with tickets he, himself, made on a homemade printing press in his garden shed. John Swagg, 42, told detectives of his scheme after he was apprehended at a local...
Read full storyWelshman arrested for fraud
Llanfairpwllgwyngyll gogerychwyrndrob wllllantysilio gogogoch, Wales - Welshman Dow Jones was arrested yesterday morning on fraud charges and for impersonating a major indices. Mr. Jones, 94, was released on bail last night after posting the $894 bil...
Read full storyWhoops Apocalypse! Scientists switch on 'doomsday machine'
A cabal of evil Frenchies have today switched on a device which will ultimately lead to the destruction of the universe. The doomsday machine, named after its mad German inventor, Doktor Von Doomsday, was originally designed to convert sawdust and...
Read full storyA-Level passes reach 110% in another glorious year
Figures from the Joint Examiners for Learning Qualifications (JELQ) show 110.2% of entries in England, Wales and Northern Ireland passed, up from 109.9%. This means that 10% more students passed their exams than actually took them, a triumph for o...
Read full storyPolice to charge dead bodies over environment pollution
In what many are seeing as an example of Political correctness gone mad, Metropolitan police have introduced charging the dead. A widow to Robert Jenkins who died last Wednesday and was formally charged by the police the next day, spoke for many w...
Read full storyCat absolutely livid with RSPCA
Celebrity cat Tom, the eponymous half of the TV series "Tom and Jerry" has today taken the Blackpool branch of the RSPCA to task. Appearing on the West Pier in Dick Whittington and his Cat, Tom was taken ill late last night and rushed to the local...
Read full storyLance Armstrong Lances Boil On His Arse
Lance Armstrong, the 7-time winner of cycling's greatest race, the Tour de France, has celebrate his return to the sport by lancing a boil on his arse. The boil, which was the size of a satsuma, was causing concern to the rider, and earlier today,...
Read full storyMan Commits Suicide After Hearing Too Much Terrible News
Police in in the Midlands have this morning released details of an absolute tragedy in the case of a man who may have taken his own life after apparently becoming 'fed up' of the constant stream of terribly Bad News issuing from his TV set. Forres...
Read full storyStephen Hawking runs his own alternative CERN "big bang" experiment
On the day when scientists attempted to re-create the aftermath of the Big Bang in the world's most ambitious scientific experiment by crashing two particles into one another at a speed greater than even a Sheffield tram, Professor Stephen Hawking un...
Read full storyAtom Smasher Begins Making Black Holes, 'End of the World' says Hawking
BERNE (FMLiveWire) - Physicist Stephen Hawking now says that he has detected radiation emitted from black holes created by the world's biggest particle accelerator which a doomsday cult of mad scientists have just switched on. "Run for your life!...
Read full storyThe Hadron Collider: John Noakes Describes How It Works
Scientists in Switzerland will today try to recreate the conditions of 'Just After The Big Bang' by setting in motion a train of events not seen since ancient times. Using the Hadron Collider, the researchers hope to be able to find out how the Ea...
Read full storyKim Jong, Ill
There was a media frenzy this morning, with journalists from all over the world clamouring for information, when it was announced that North Korean porn star, Kim Jong, was ill. Jong is a leading figure in Asian porn, and has starred in several mo...
Read full storySherlock Holmes and Watson Descend upon Liverpool in the case of the Seven Burglared Footballers
While the Liverpudlian footballers are away, apparently the cat burglars are at play. Seven of the team's stars have had their homes robbed while they are on the traveling football circuit of away games. Scotland Yard told TheSpoof.com that rea...
Read full storyLabor Lovin' Labor unions want Granny to Freeze This Winter!
Left Wing yanks of the 60's chanted :" Burn, Baby, Burn" in their radiacal effort to give power to the people. The 21st century has British leftist torn between a governmental union windfall and a rebate that could help with rising home heating costs...
Read full storyRetirement Parties Canceled Worldwide
Lance Armstrong and Brett Favre aren't the only ones to unretire. Following their example, retirees all over the world are reversing their decisions and coming back to work at their old stomping grounds. "It's ridiculous," a young worker grumbl...
Read full storyInuit Ice God, One With Cold Cock, Tells Palin What Jesus would do!
The Inuit Ice god, One with Cold cock, has been revealed as the Wasilly Bible Church's local deity. As in many of the cultural collisions between native and missionary religion, the Wasilly Bible Church follows the indigenous animism of the Inuit...
Read full storyRep Rangle Surprised Tax Code He Administers Applies to Him!
On the Beach in the Dominican Republic/Reuters - Rep. Charles Rangle,( D,NY), a 19 term veteran of Congress and a major player on the House Ways and Means Committee responsible for the administering of the US Federal Tax code, stated he wasn't awar...
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