National Lottery Fake Ticket Scandal

Funny story written by Monkey Woods

Wednesday, 10 September 2008

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The cheek of it!

A man from Leicester has told how he cashed-in on unclaimed National Lottery Jackpots with tickets he, himself, made on a homemade printing press in his garden shed.

John Swagg, 42, told detectives of his scheme after he was apprehended at a local newsagents, trying to claim his third jackpot in less than 4 years.

Detective Chief Superintendent Jack Warner, of Leicestershire Police, said:

"It was quite a good scheme really. He waited until Camelot announced that there was an unclaimed prize - perhaps an old person had died before they had had a chance to claim it - and then he would print the ticket in his shed. That's all there was to it really. I wish I'd thought of it meself!"

Swagg claimed a £4.1million payout in December 2004, and another, this time the meagre sum of £2.9million in January this year. His local newsagent, Anil's News, became suspicious though, when Swagg tried claiming his third jackpot there.

Anil, of Anil's, said:

"Bluddy hell! It's a bit bluddy much, isn't it? Three bluddy times in four bluddy years. Goodness gracious me! I told the bluddy policeman about it, and they found him in his bluddy shed printing bluddy football tickets! Bluddy hell bluddy!"

Det Chief Supt. Warner declined to comment on Anil's allegations about the football tickets until after the England v. Kazakhstan match on Saturday 11th October.

The funny story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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