A cabal of evil Frenchies have today switched on a device which will ultimately lead to the destruction of the universe.
The doomsday machine, named after its mad German inventor, Doktor Von Doomsday, was originally designed to convert sawdust and pubic hair into quality jewelery cheaply and efficiently before escalating EU grants of over 4 billion Euros forced the project to shut down. Embittered, Doktor Doomsday converted it to a universe destroying machine and sold it to France.
Despite warnings from noted international intellectuals such as George Bush and Eddie Van Halen that destroying the universe would not be a good idea, the perfidious French have persisted with the project.
Euro-Skeptic Nigel Flange of UKIP has said: "This is typical European bureaucracy and waste. If the French do manage to destroy life, the universe and everything, I hope they'll apologise."
