Written by Monkey Woods

Wednesday, 10 September 2008

image for Lance Armstrong Lances Boil On His Arse
HELP!

Lance Armstrong, the 7-time winner of cycling's greatest race, the Tour de France, has celebrate his return to the sport by lancing a boil on his arse.

The boil, which was the size of a satsuma, was causing concern to the rider, and earlier today, medical staff at the St Saddlesore Hospital in Los Angeles removed it using sharp cutting tools.

Mr Armstrong is said to have 'enjoyed' the procedure and, last night, was said to be comfortable and sitting up in bed.

He told journalists:

"It was painful. I could've ridden on it, but the Tour's long stages would have been a real pain in the ass."

The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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