Paula Radcliffe Has Stopped Crying
Paula Radcliffe, the British marathon runner who burst into tears when she broke down 'injured' during the Olympic Marathon in Beijing in the summer, has stopped crying, say sources in the US. Radcliffe was competing in the New York Marathon where...
Read full storyShe IS For Change! Excerpt from interview with Sarah Palin
Correspondent: "Ms. Governor, to tell you the truth, many people find your stand on education to conservative." Sarah Palin: "You know, to be conservative is not to be averse from change. As it has been said it is rather a manner of accommodating ourselves to changes. Look, in Alaska we introduce the new approaches to education, making it more interactive. For example, my beloved daughter Brist...
Read full storyNew Munchon Particle Discovered
The large hadron collider was restarted today in a bold attempt to find the missing chocolate particle predicted by scientists since the famous J.S.Fry experiments of the last century. Research then suggested that along with the 5 chocons (despera...
Read full storyMan Utd 2 Hull City 3
The FA confirmed today that Hull City's win at Old Trafford will stand despite protests from Sir Alec Ferguson. Although many tigers fans left the ground thinking that their team had lost 4-3 it later transpired that Man Ure had breached a centuri...
Read full storyReal Estate Values around Pennsylvania Ave Collapse: There Goes the Neighborhood!
Just when experts thought the real estate market had hit rock bottom. Housing and land values around the neighborhood of the White House have hit unprecedented lows. When Southern Baptists in the DC area learned that an Irish Catholic brood was...
Read full storySir Robert: Will the King's Men Steal the Vote?
The elusive Robin Hood of voter reform became a hunted man last week when he granted an eleventh-hour exclusive interview with Rolling Grindstone, and publicly accused the king's men of "stealing the vote". Sir Robert Kennedy Jr., last in a long l...
Read full storyEngland Reflects On Embarrassing Weekend Of Sport
Embarrassment and humiliation are not words we are normally accustomed to using where English sports teams are concerned, but this weekend they were the only words appropriate when describing the horrific shows put on by the England cricket and rugby...
Read full storyLewis Hamilton comes good
Lewis Hamilton has become the youngest world champion marbles player in history after a nail-biting end of season game with Brazilian Felipe Massa. Massa managed to win the game but lost the overall championship title. The gathered crowd, num...
Read full storyBrazilian Race Result In Doubt
Race stewards caused new controversy by putting the results of the Brazilian Grand Prix in doubt with the announcement that Lewis Hamilton may have refitted his steering wheel too slowly in parc fermé. New rules to be announced tomorrow state th...
Read full storyFerrari protest Hamilton World Championship
White Man's Wheels - Following Lewis Hamilton's World Championship today Ferrari have launched a protest. A Ferrari spokesman said 'Our drivers have had to tool around in a car driven by old white Pete Stringfellow lookalikes' Although Massa wa...
Read full storyRussell Brand to play cartoon STD in new Hollywood Blockbuster!
Comedy 'Legend' Russell Brand who doesn't eat poo or give people STD's on sight (says his mum- who inflicted him on the world!), is to be the voice of a 'cartoon STD'. Hollywood producers were so impressed by his ability to do nothing and get paid...
Read full storyMax Branning Not Dead Yet
EastEnders' Max Branning is nearly dead, but not quite. He was the victim of a hit-and-run accident in the 30 October episode, and, late this afternoon, was said to be 'poorly but stable' in the Intensive Care Unit (ICU) at London's St Soapstars H...
Read full storyChampagne Imports Rocket To All Time High As Rumours Of Thatcher's Demise Proliferate
Champagne imports hit record levels today as news of Baroness Thatcher's alleged demise rocked the city. 'People are really going to push the boat out on this one if the rumours are founded,' said a city trader. 'Especially up north. They'll be da...
Read full storyBernard Manning's Ghost Rips Into Russell Brand
Bernard Manning's ghost today ripped into Russell Brand, labelling him as a talentless, clueless, mockney idiot. Speaking at a seance in a big house on Bury New Road, Manchester, Manning said: 'You've got to give people credit for having a go a...
Read full storyLewis Hamilton Penalised For Being Black
The world of Lewis Hamilton was in tatters tonight when, after finishing fifth in the Brazilian Grand Prix at Interlagos, the British driver had his Formula 1 crown dislodged from his bonce, after the FIA imposed a 10-minute penalty on the British dr...
Read full story52 Stone Birmingham Man Causes Panic On Transatlantic Flight
A Jumbo jet made a successful landing at Newark International Airport much to the relief of passengers and crew. The flight from London Heathrow was plagued with problems from take off claimed shaken crew members due mainly to the fact that they w...
Read full storyThank You For Calling Joe The Plumber
Please listen carefully as the options have recently changed. If you have reached this recording we might be attending to other callers but more likely we're tied up in an interview or out on a photo-shoot. If you truly have a plumbing problem note that Joe has indefinitely suspended his plumbing practice. To find an actual plumber look in the phone book under P. If you are calling to book...
Read full storyPeace Breaks Out In Manchester - Police Baffled
Greater Manchester Police were left on tenterhooks today following a relatively trouble free night in the city. There were no reported killings, mass brawls. near riots, serious assaults or threats of civil war. Authorities in the city waited anx...
Read full storyMiley Cyrus Pushes Valtrex and Britney Gets Sliced!
Miami, Florida 11/01/08 - Let no breakout go unnoticed and no product go unbranded! Disney's teen queen of marketing is on fire and she has landed a new multi million dollar endorsement deal with Valtrex, (yes the herpes med!) Behind the scen...
Read full storyNew Paris Hilton Footage Gets 68 Million Hits On World Wide Interweb Dot Net
The world wide interweb dot org com came within a gnat's knacker of complete meltdown today as previously unreleased video footage of Paris Hilton was released and within less than an hour received over 68 million hits. The footage which is strang...
Read full storyDavid Cameron Out Of Ideas - Nothing New There Then
London, this afternoon - Bike riding Tory leader David Cameron was today reported to be fresh out of ideas. The future Prime Minister, who has basically answered every question put to him over the last month with a resounding 'I don't really Know...
Read full storyIndonesia Prisoners Request Last Meal
Bali-Hali, Indonesia (IPP) - The men awaiting death for the murder of over 200 people in a nightclub bombing made their request for a last meal today. They all ordered pork roast with pork rinds and a side of lobster. They were also given some p...
Read full storyIndonesia Firing Squad Fired
Jakarta, Indonesia (IPP) - The firing squad leader that was to lead the execution of the terrorists who killed over 200 people at a disco has been fired for making disrespectful comments. Captain Abdullah Medullah called the prisoners "pig worship...
Read full storyObama Himself Dedicates Republican Re-Education Center
Springfield PA-- Obama Himself was on hand to dedicate the newest Republican Re-Education Center today in Springfield! The One was declared the election winner by the Main Stream Media last week and is already showing His compassion and grace! Our...
Read full storyUK Homeless forced to live in 'Neil Buchanan's' paper 'Art-Attack' City
Scouser Neil Buchanan is to build a city out of old jumpers, rubbish, newspapers and corrogated paper in a bid to house the UK's homeless. Buchanan who shot to fame in the 'kiddies' Saturday programme 'Number 73, as a scouse crook and car-thief',...
Read full storyAlien Abduction Victims Report Face Sitting Torture
New research has come out of NASA confirming a puzzling new phenomenon known as Close Encounters of the 69th Kind. This involves being abducted by creatures from other worlds and having them strap you down to their gloop covered organic like tables b...
Read full storyA Children's Golden Treasury of Andrew Sachs Whoppers
London - (Satantic Sluts Mess): A computer geek who hacked into BBC employment archive files has dicovered a huge cover-up about 'Fawlty Twin Towers' actor Andrew Sachs' real career as a cold war Stasi spy. Sachs, 78, apparently used the cover of...
Read full storyMiley Cyrus Wears a Diaper
Miley Cyrus wears a diaper to combat a terrible defecation condition that has afflicted her since youth. The teen sensation managed to keep the details secret until now by insisting that attention be focused on her back and her hair only. But due...
Read full storySarah Palin duped by Russell Brand's "I shagged your daughter Bristol" phone call
Juneau, Alaska - (Satanic Sluts Mess): GOP vice presidential wannabe Sarah Palin has been duped by a prank phone call from Russell Brand telling her he shagged her daughter Bristol. Brand, 33, said the experience was cathartic and that he was tire...
Read full storyGlobal Oligarchs and Ruling Elite Flit to Utopia
Breach in Time/Space Continuum Opens Dimensional Portal to Hell Man recently donned the cloak of Creator and assumed the role of God. His manipulation of ORMEs, the esoteric sciences and applied quantum technologies saw Thomas Moore's dream bastion of perfection a reality manifested. Utopia Inc., the next best thing to Heaven on Earth, opened its Pearly Gates to those who could afford the l...
Read full storySir Paul McCartney Considering Remarriage?
Sir Paul McCartney has a new girlfriend say close friends and family members but thus far has been able to keep it a secret. Plus, she apparently has a lot in common with Sir Paul's last wife, Heather Mills. "Yes, she's a lot like Heather", stated...
Read full storyObama to turn White House into Safe House for Illegal Immigrants
Safe House, DC - According to unnamed sources, Barack Obama is to turn the White House into a Safe House for illegal immigrants if elected. This follows the recent shocking relevation that Barack Obama's aunt is an illegal immigrant from Kenya living...
Read full storySharp Reversal - Jesus Endorses McClain-Palin
Heaven-GOP Vice Presidential candidate Sarah Palin appeared radiant after another behind-closed-doors meeting with, as she termed it: "My Savior." Earlier confirmed reports stated that Jesus had given the McClain-Palin ticket a thumbs down. Th...
Read full storySchwarzenegger Annoys McCains and Palin
In a predictable roll-out, Governor of California Arnold Schwartsenegger gave his mono-syllabic public support for Senator McCains and Alaskan PTA Governor Sarah Palein. Schwartsenegger bounded on stage right to thunderous cheers from the assemble...
Read full storyPolitically Correct Pen Pushers Ban Latin phrases from English as "Elitist"
The Daily Telegraph has reported that British councils have banned the use of Latin phrases from English on the ground that "not everyone learned Latin at school". The PC decision is supposedly aimed at helping People For Whom English Is Not Their Fi...
Read full storyJohnathan Ross Kidnapped by Angry Grannny
In an astonishing twist to the continuing Johnathan Ross / Russell Brand phone call debacle, Ross has been reportedly abducted by 76 year-old grandmother Eileen Dover of Dover, who was incensed at the treatment of her hero, Manuel at the hands of the...
Read full storyYou can Banksy on it!
Media promoted street vandal 'Banksy' has been revealed as being none other than one time kids TV presenter Tony Harte. 'I faked my stroke several years ago to get out of my TV commitments so that I could concentrate on defacing public property an...
Read full storyDick Cheney Endorses John McCain
WASHINGTON, D.C. - Vice President Dick Cheney has endorsed Senator John McCain. When McCain was told of this he replied, "No! no! no! ah shit! no! no! no! damnit! I spent five and a half years in a POW camp! shit! first Bush endorses me and now t...
Read full story"Big Mac" & "The Rack" And The Blame Game Begins
HELL, Michigan - Well it is official. The 'blame game' has finally kicked off. Insiders for the McCain-Palin campaign report that the GOP 'in-fighting' has already started. An aide close to John McCain has revealed that McCain has already made so...
Read full storyPalin Duped by Hilarious Prank Call from Fake French President and Agrees to Hunt Baby Seals
WASHINGTON (FMLiveWire) -- Republican VP candidate Sarah Palin was fooled by a prank call Saturday from a Canadian comedian impersonating French President Nicolas Sarkozy who told her she "would make a good president someday," and asked her if she wa...
Read full storyThe Most Famous Hooker In Nevada Retires
RENO, Nevada - One of Nevada's most famous prostitutes, Lolita de Libido, has just celebrated a combination birthday party and retirement party. Miss de Libido, 50, was given a surprise birthday party and retirement party by her co-workers, frien...
Read full storyPrince Philip holidays at Hefner Mansion
In a press release released early today by the office of HRH the Duke of Edinburgh (Prince Philip) husband to the Queen, it was announced that The Duke was taking a short break at the Playboy mansion home of boyhood friend Hugh Hefnopolis. Hefnopo...
Read full storyWife of Ambulance Driver Banned from Riding with Husband
London - Ambulance driver Colin Wright has been reprimanded for allowing his wife Eleanor from driving with him while on duty. Mr. Wright and his wife had reconciled personal transportation issues by having Eleanor join Colin on his daily shift of du...
Read full storyMadonna Says Guy Richie a Wino
London - The public mudslinging between Madonna and Guy Richie took another turn for the worse today when the pop queen told The Telegraph that "Guy is a wino." Madge says she knew of Richie's problem when she met him but married him nonetheless.
Read full storyAll Poe Dog Food Company Beats the Street
WALL STREET, New York - The All Poe dog food company released their results for the 3rd quarter. Third quarter earnings were up 505%. This unexpected increase is due to the economic crisis convolved with our business model. The crisis makes old...
Read full storySarah Palin Promises McCain Will Receive The Eskimo Vote
DEADHORSE, Alaska - Election pundits, experts, advisers, and consultants are projecting that Sarah Palin will definitely help John McCain carry Alaska's Eskimo vote. According to the experts, there had been some concern early on in the presidenti...
Read full storyJonathan Ross News: BBC To Create New Comedy Channel: BBC Ross
Jonathan Ross, suspended from all of his BBC work this week after becoming the 'innocent victim' in the Russell Brand/Andrew Sachs prank phone call incident, has some good news to celebrate today, after the Beeb announced they are to give him his ver...
Read full storyMcCain Palin Call for Election Postponement due to Weather
Billy Ray Cyrus, spokesperson from the McCain Palin camp have informed the public that Republicans filed writ for postponement of election proceedings due to heavy rain and storms ravaging east and west coast communities as well as northern and south...
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