Written by Bureau

Sunday, 2 November 2008

Sir Paul McCartney has a new girlfriend say close friends and family members but thus far has been able to keep it a secret. Plus, she apparently has a lot in common with Sir Paul's last wife, Heather Mills.

"Yes, she's a lot like Heather", stated a family cousin who asked that she not be identified unless we coughed up a considerable amount of money for the interview.

"She also has an artificial leg. I don't know what this fake leg business is all about but, for some reason, it really seems to turn Sir Paul on."

"She also has an artificial nose, her real nose having been blown off by an exploding cigar. It was part of an initiation ceremony at the college she attended and something went wrong."

The McCartney cousin, thrice removed, but who kept slipping back in, further revealed that "Hopalong", as Sir Paul's children have named her, is some 40 years younger than Sir Paul.

"I do hope that it goes better this time should they marry, especially with Sir Paul's children and perhaps it will. I overheard Stella saying something the other day about giving her the finger every time her back is turned. I guess she also has a missing finger and it was nice for Stella to offer."

The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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