Timmy Mallet named as new crimewatch presenter
Questionably insane ex children's television presenter, Timmy Mallet, has been controversially named as the new presenter of BBC's Crimewatch program.
Read full storyKeith Richards Is A Vampire
New Yawk NY-- Keith Richards, famed guitarist for The Rolling Stones, said today he died in 1969 and is a vampire. The rock legend says he died from a drug overdose during the notorious Altamont Concert. A vampire fan jumped up on stage and helped hi...
Read full storyPrince Harry's Girlfriend Chelsy Davy Seen Mounting A Stallion
You definitely would not see this at Ascot, Cheltenham or Aintree, forty men running naked at bizarre race meeting.
Read full storyMugabe Force
Mr Mugabe is about to reveal a new T.V show called Ground Force a series to feature on all news channels in UK, USA, Africa and a mysterious subscription by the U.N.
Read full storyBumper Sticker Voting, an Anecdotal Survey
Baltimore MD, July 2008: As a Staff Reporter for the conservative Baltimore Sun newspaper I am always driving on the Eisenhower Interstate Highway System. What could be a better place than the state of Maryland, to predict (guess) who the next presid...
Read full storyThe World is a sitcom, according to Americans
According to latest surveys, 80% of Americans are convinced that the rest of the world is just a sitcom, used by television broadcasters to boost ratings.
Read full storyHaut de la Garenne probe moves to Nazi bunker under Buckingham Palace
London - (Lurid Mess): A Nazi wartime bunker under Buckingham Palace is the latest suspected site in the Haut de la Garenne police probe.
Read full storyBrett Favre Came Out of Retirement to Get Suicidal John Madden off Ledge
After it was reported that Brett Favre sent a text message to Green Bay Packers GM Ted Thompson saying he wanted to come out of retirement, this reporter has learned th...
Read full storyG8 approves hot air climate 'vision'
The G8 summit today approved a hot air climate 'vision', to combat global freezing, one with no definite agreements or practical plans at all, but one that is centred on wherever the G8 leaders happen to be at any time. Jim Connaughty, deputy vice...
Read full storyTeacher's Human Rights Violated as Students Don't Let Him Join In Marbles
In Finland yesterday, a teacher issued a complaint to the National Education Board after being victim to a violation of human rights. Mr Brian Svornson, 28, issued the complaint after he claimed that his students "would not allow him to join in...
Read full storyMadonna dubbed mother-in-law from hell
Florida - (Reuterus & Ass Mess): Cynthia Scurtis Rodriguez is in shock after finding out feckless baseball player husband Alex is Madonna's son and not her toy boy.
Read full storyG8 Summit Leaders Lead From the Front in the War on Carbon Dioxide
In Japan yesterday, leaders of the G8 summit were seen planting trees as showed off their new initiative to fight the carbon dioxide emissions that are ruining the atmosphere.
Read full storyO'Neill to Branch Out
Martin O'Neill announced today that he is to branch out in the world of business. He is of course not the first within sport to do this, George Foreman endorses a ranger of cookers, Ronaldo models for his lingerie line and tennis stars the Willia...
Read full storyJudasism In Football - New Case
A new case of Judasism has appeared in the world of football, much to the delight of the supporters of Turkish side Galatasary. Mr Harry Kewell a former player of Leeds United during their glory days, which now seem so long,long ago, has joined Ista...
Read full storySteve to Receive Key to the City
After years of dedicated service to his boyhood team, and an undeniable, almost unprecedented level of involvement in their success it was announced that the key to the city was to be awarded to Steve Bennett.
Read full storyNew Harry Potter Film Full of Drugs, Sex and Rock and Roll
I was under the illusion that although the highly popular Harry Potter books did feature a hell of a lot of dark magic and unsavoury characters, it was a children's book series and therefore the film interpretation of it would be suitable for you...
Read full storyWes Brown in the running for Utd Number 2
Wes Brown has emerged as the shock candidate for the some to be vacant Man Utd number 2 slot. It comes as a surprise to many as there had been rumours of several big names and numerous former players also being muted for the position.
Read full storyHarriet Harman adds rooftop toilet to her 'John' Lewis List
Fathers 4 Justice campaigners dressed as comic book superheroes are staging a a second rooftop protest at the home of Labour's deputy leader Harriet Harman, Scotland Yard said today.
Read full storyProspective Rolls Royce purchasers told to be alert
Potential Rolls Royce purchasers have been warned to remain alert when they purchase their new Rolls, and not just because the world needs more lerts. An influx of Rolls Royce copies, made in Korean sweatshops, are flooding the British market, and wo...
Read full storyDorothy flees Oz to escape charges in double homicide
Dorothy Gale, a 15 year old Kansas girl, was being sought by juvenile authorities from the country of Oz this afternoon for the double homicide of two sisters.
Read full storySpongebob Squarepants not Shrek's father!
Spongebob Squarepants denies claim of fathering Miss Piggy's lovechild known as Shrek. "OK, I had a few drinks that night, and Piggy spent the night. Besides, Patrick and Kermit where there the whole time."...
Read full storyCongress Outlaws Stupidity
Washington DC, January 15, 2009: At their first regular session, following the general election of 2008, the 112th Congress tries to fix stupid, by drafting the 28th amendment to the US Constitution. The Stupidity Prohibition Act is designed to rid t...
Read full storyAn Interview with Mahmoud Ahmadinejad
Tehran, Iran, June, 2008: This reporter caught up with the Iranian president at the Tehran airport, as he was about to leave for a meeting with Fidel Castro in Cuba. Through his interpreter, he said there was only time for 10 questions about Iranian society. The reader should be aware that President Ahmadinejad always claims he is being misquoted in the American media.
Read full storyClinton to arrange Obama/Cheney hunting trip
Senator Clinton is attempting to broker a hunting trip for Senator Obama and Vice President Cheney. Clinton said earlier today, "Obama has been working so hard we would like to get him some rest. Surely a hunting outing with the Vice President...
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