Wednesday, 9 July 2008

image for Bumper Sticker Voting, an Anecdotal Survey

Baltimore MD, July 2008: As a Staff Reporter for the conservative Baltimore Sun newspaper I am always driving on the Eisenhower Interstate Highway System. What could be a better place than the state of Maryland, to predict (guess) who the next president of the USA will be! Especially, when traveling along the Interstate I 95 corridor between Baltimore MD and Washington DC and observing political bumper stickers on automobile butts. The TV pundits and talking heads be damned!

You might say that Maryland is a blue state, solidly Democratic, specifically along this stretch of the Interstate road corridor! But millions of cars from the other 49 states transit through MD, providing a statistically significant sample. The Time Invariant Probability purists among you readers might scoff at this notion, but my grandkids are always happy to play license plates on this highway.

A plethora of blue Toyota Priuses (see Toyota's Open Road Blog about plurals) are affixed with Obama '08 stickers and usually also have a "Save the Whales" or "No Drilling in ANWR" message. "Jesus Saves" bumper stickers don't appear on Priuses, but seem to be seen randomly distributed among older automobiles, especially as one approaches Baltimore MD, Washington DC or turns off the Interstate to get a Big Mac. Rusted old beat up red pickup trucks (foreign and domestic) appear in the parking lots of these restaurants, usually sporting Confederate flags and peeling George Wallace bumper stickers. (Other bumper stickers hold these trucks together.)

Black Mercedes Benzes, Lexus (or maybe Lexi) and Infinities simply contain a McCain '08 message on their exclusive rear decks. An occasional apple red Porsche or Ferrari shows off a McCain '08 bumper sticker on its sleek backside.

Foreign and domestic Sedans and Sports Utility Vehicles (SUV) seem to be seen affixed with equal numbers of McCain '08 or Obama '08 bumper stickers. However, SUVs because of their large tail areas support additional messages, namely "Be Civil", "Kiss a Flower", "Get Off My Ass" , "Baby on Board", "Drill in ANWR", "Save the Polar Bear", "Eat the Caribou" and other gems of 21st Century wisdom. A few of these messages manage to migrate to Sedans with square backside areas.

Every now and then a 1939 Ford sporting a peeling Barry Goldwater bumper sticker or a 1969 Volkswagen with a faded peace symbol painted (with house paint) on it is seen. These cars can be discounted as not being germane to this survey.

Editor's Note: The Baltimore Sun sadly regrets that our Staff Reporter will not be able to finish this article until after November 4, 2008, when he is released from John Hopkins Hospital in Baltimore MD. It seems that he was rear ended while driving his 1985 Yugo on Interstate I 95 near Washington DC.

The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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