Obama leaves America
Today Barack Obama left the United States, and went to the places that really count in the election. First stop was Israel, where Americans send billions of tax dollars for no reason, except to become poorer, and make Israelis richer. Then it was Ira...
Read full storyAmy Winehouse Afflicted With Morgellons Disease
London-- Singer Amy Winehouse is afflicted with the mysterious Morgellons Disease according to her father. She contracted the disease late last year from her incarcerated boyfriend. Most cases are a caused by chem trails or other secret government p...
Read full storyPope Sorry For Priests' Sex Abuse
Pope Benedict the Hypocritical has said 'I'm so terribly, terribly sorry' for the endless thousands of children that have been molested and raped by Catholic priests.
Read full storyMystery: Global Warming Scaremongers Vanish!
The FBI, CIA, MI5, James Bond and many other crime, investigation and intelligence organisations have had their work cut out for them this week, as fake tax pushing so called enviro-MENTAL-ists have started to disappear.
Read full storyPolice To Question Leonard Cohen Over Man's Death
Police in Delaware are to interview singer-songwriter, poet and novelist Leonard Cohen after a man died in his own home, seemingly after listening to a lethal concoction of Cohen albums.
Read full storyDesperate royal wannabe Kate Middleton SO embarrasing says royal wedding bride
London - (Ass Mess): As she swept up the aisle of the Queen's Chapel on the arm of her father the Duke of Gloucester today radiant-looking bride Lady Rose Windsor was heard stifling a cringeing gasp at the sight of desperate royal clinger-on Kate...
Read full storyRobert Mugabe Named A Living Saint
Today, Zimbabwean president Robert Mugabe was named a living saint, according to the media in Britain.
Read full story2008 British Open: Tiger Woods Well Down Leaderboard
Tiger Woods, the world no. 1 golfer, has it all to do in the final round of the 2008 British Open Golf Championships at Royal Birkdale today. The American is well down the leaderboard, and will have to play the round of his l...
Read full storyIndyMac "shock" value falls to absolute zero; bill (not dividend) sent to shareholders
Pasadena, California - IndyMac's now federally controlled phone lines rang off the hook with calls from its shareholders who woke up to a double surprise Friday morning. As they watched their stock value fall to zero (70 cents per share), they op...
Read full storyHigh School Musical star Pregnant
Vanessa Hudgens yesterday confirmed rumors that she is four months pregnant, in a vivid dream I was having.
Read full storyManchester United A Pale Shadow Of Their Former Selves After Draw With Kaiser Chiefs
Manchester United, the Premier League Champions, will have to show a marked improvement if they are to mount a serious challenge to retain their title, after a lacklustre performance against Leeds-based side the Kaiser Chiefs.
Read full storyTerror on the Strip?
For the last seven years, the name Osama Bin Laden has been cast about the average American household like a pair of 3 week old gym socks. The only thing that all of these thousands of conversations have in common is that no one has yet found Osama...
Read full storyChambers Visualized Sprinters as BOA Officials Chasing Him
LONDON - Dwain Chambers who won the 100 metre race at last Saturday's British Olympic trials in 10.0 seconds says he visualized competing sprinters as members of the British Olympic Association Anti-Doping Commission chasing him as motivation for...
Read full storyRussian cocaine sub seized off Mexico
Santa Tom Cruz, Mexico - (Ass Mess): A Russian submarine with over 30 tonnes of high grade cocaine bound for a Scientology temple in Hollywood was seized by the Swiss Navy in its territorial waters off the Mexican coast today.
Read full storyMystery UFO Blamed for Rev Sun Myung Moon's Chopper Crash
South Korea - (Solar Eclipse Mess): South Korean military investigators are probing reports that a runaway UFO caused Reverend Sun Muyng Moon's helicopter to crash over Gapyeong, 25 miles east of Seoul today.
Read full storyAmy Winehouse In Lesbian Clinch
Troubled soul singer Amy Winehouse was spotted kissing a female friend outside her Camden home.
Read full storyOprah Has Gastric Band Fitted
Diet queen Oprah Winfrey has admitted that she had taken a leaf out of Fern Britton's book and had a gastric band fitted - just a week after completing a 21-day vegan detox.
Read full storyMuslim Cheikh Ali Mustaf al-Zachar Says Western Women Are Too Liberal With Their Dressing
Cheikh Ali Mustaf Bouaz al-Zachar the leader at the Jamaa el-Jedid Mosque in Alger has told a big crowd that western women especially from the USA and England are too liberal in their dress and behavior. A lot of young women in Algerie are fans of...
Read full storyCheeky Girl Dumps Lembit Opik For Nick Clegg
Cheeky Girl singer Gabriela Irimia has dumped her Lib Dem MP boyfriend Lembit Opik because he is strange, according to her mother, who said her daughter prefers Lib Dem leader Nick Clegg, who is "more ru...
Read full storyParis Hilton Almost Bankrupt
Hotel heiress Paris Hilton,27, has finally acheived the impossible, and has almost bankrupted her parents, owners of the Hilton Hotels. Party-loving Paris has 17 pets including a chihuahua named Tinkerbell abnd two ferrets named Dolce and Gabbana, co...
Read full storyOrlando Bloom Decended From A Pirate
After tracing his family tree, British actor Orlando Bloom has discovered that a relative dating back to the sixteenth century was actually a man hanged for piracy.
Read full storyThousands Of Musicians To Be Banned For Substance Abuse After Dwain Chambers Verdict
As Dwain Chambers left the High Court a disappointed man yesterday, thousands of musicians have been warned that they, too, face a lifetime ban from performing or making income from music if they test positive...
Read full storyCrisis in Algeria as Price of Camels Rises
In the beautiful North African country of Algeria the government is saying that the price of camels has risen to its highest price ever because of the credit crisis.
Read full storyDear AskFrFred44Giveness, I'm a desperate Dominican Yankee about to be in divorce court
Dear AskFrFred44Giveness,...
Read full storyPope says 'he is sorry for abuse"
The Pope, today in a speech from Australia, said he was sorry for the years of abuse at the hands of "evil Clergy"...
Read full storyDear Paraphernalia4Your Genitalia.cum: What do you know about the Kabala?
Dear P4YG, I am a married man and father who is a famous athlete. I have fallen head over heels with the most infamous sex symbol of my ge...
Read full storySo was there a grain of truth to the "I'm f**king Matt Damon!" Sarah Silverman and Jimmy Kimmel video gag?
Hollywood, California - The Hollywood rumor mill is working overtime in the aftermath of the news of the Sarah Silverman and Jimmy Kimmel breakup. Word, their relationship meltdown came when Uncle Frank shined his flashlight into a darkened green roo...
Read full storyGordon "Brave Hardon" Brown Declares Scotch Independence!
In a shocking announcement, long feared by keen observers of the UK, Scotsman and UK Prime Minister told the world that from now on there would be Scotch independence. Opponents of the drastic measure warned that this kind of a split could lead to ci...
Read full storyMcCain Changes His Mind and Adopts a Gay Couple!
Recently Repub Candie Johnny McC told the nation that he was opposed to gay adoption. As McCain has learned throughout this campaign every time he smooches the religious right cheek; the maverick left comes looking for some love.
Read full storyObama is Anorexic Over-Exerciser; Supporters: Told You He's Perfect!
In the now much regretted pimping of his children for a TV interview; viewers learned that even his children are aware that Daddy got some food issues. Now we have learned that the slim Democratic hopeful went to the gym three times in one day last w...
Read full storyBarbie Kicks Bratz Plastic Asses!
Barbie, big-breasted gang leader of the doll world made a quick finish of the Bratz. The Bratz known for their gigantic heads sought to dominate Barbie's turf, that was until Barbie got wind of it. Barbie called all of the many other Barbies and...
Read full storyEvil in America
Are you one to feel intense joy after dipping your cat in hydrochloric acid? Or, how about an exhilarating high after robbing your 80 year old grandma? Ecstasy after stealing candy from children? (Hell yea!, I got the squirt's Snickers! Mwahahaha!) If you answered yes to any of the questions, you might be a candidate for the national "Evil in America" campaign.
Read full story"Brainstorming" to be banned under equality and diversity rules
The Department for Employing Consultants and Moneywasting (DECM), which was a part of DTi before it became BEHR, has announced a new initiative to help some senior manager, otherwise pre-occupied with filling in his holiday requisition sheet, to gain...
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