Thousands Of Musicians To Be Banned For Substance Abuse After Dwain Chambers Verdict

Funny story written by Monkey Woods

Saturday, 19 July 2008

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As Dwain Chambers left the High Court a disappointed man yesterday, thousands of musicians have been warned that they, too, face a lifetime ban from performing or making income from music if they test positive for banned substances.

The lawyer appointed to the Chambers case by the British Olympic Association, said afterwards that the ruling might have a significant bearing on the careers of many in the music business who have taken drugs, and who had expected the industry to sit back and do nothing about it. Max Winkelmann QC said:

"This is a clear message to those music artists, and artistes, who have routinely taken drugs to enhance their performances. It has to stop."

Drugged-up pop music stars like Pete Doherty and Amy Winehouse have constantly been in the news spotlight recently for their drug addiction problems, and many think that the same rules should apply to them as well as the unfortunate Chambers.

The defeated sprinters' lawyer Nick Collins told journalists:

"My client has been criminalised. Musicians and people from other walks of life will now have to think very carefully if they want to take drugs and carry on with their normal working lives."

The funny story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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