Rooney for Newcastle
In a sensational last minute signing just before the transfer deadline, Newcastle Utd have replaced the legendary Alan Shearer with a name that will surely rank among the most famous of them all; tomorrow Rooney will undergo a medical at St James'...
Read full storyBritney Spears' actions too Far Out for Newspaper
In a stunning development a story on Britney Spears was turned down by Tried Muckraker-z as being too over the top.
Read full storyGordon Brown "has only one head"
Despite seeming to lead an ordinary existence, it is not common knowledge that, as a result of a schoolboy rugby game, Gordon Brown only has one head. Like many people with the same affliction, the Prime Minister has managed to hide his disability s...
Read full storyGooks For Ron Paul
Dr. Chung Ming, a Maryland physician has formed a new political action committee called Gooks For Ron Paul. The group was formed when the controversy over John McCain's repeated use of the term resurfaced.
Read full storySchwarzenegger will surprise and shock
Further details have emerged today about Governor Schwarzenegger and his return to acting. A source close to a source has revealed that the Governor will 'surprise and shock' many people with his choice of comeback film, and already rumours h...
Read full storyRihanna Internet Sex Video
Rihanna, the pop sensation, has just appeared in a new video on an adult website.
Read full storyMicky Horswill Arrested for Being Ugly
Former Sunderland and Man City midfielder Mick Horswill has been arrested and remanded in custody tonight in Sunderland for 'just being too fucking ugly'...
Read full storyOur man in Kabulshit
Tora Bora - (Whore on Terra Mess): NATO farces have said today they are bracing themselves for yet another bumper opium harvest in Afghanistan in 2008.
Read full storyVanessa Hudgens: Next Obama Girl
Vanessa Hudgens will replace Amber Lee Ettinger as the next Obama Girl.
Read full storyFreddie Shepherd Signs for Newcastle
In a shock move designed to shore up Newcastle's leaking defence, Kevin Keegan has signed ace centre back Freddie Shepherd (63).
Read full story"Global Cooling" Identified as Part of Global Warming
Dr. E. L. Charmagny of the Indiana Institute for Science positively identified cooler temperatures as part of global warming.
Read full storyDavid Beckham dropped after Capello linguistic confusion
David Beckham has not been selected for Fabio Capello's first match in charge of the England team, meaning he is still one cap short of the magical hundred. But it seems that David's omission is more due to Capello's limited English than...
Read full storyMexico To Smother Drug Gang Fire With Huge Water Hose
MEXICO - In a special, televised, speech last Tuesday, Mexico President, Felipe Calderón, announced his new anti-drug plan to wash away illegal drugs and drug smugglers by literally drowning them out with pressurized water blasted from a 1500-mile-l...
Read full storyHuckabee Denies Relationship with Ghost
Republican candidate Mike Huckabee, at a campaign stop in Columbia, Missouri again denied having any sort of relationship with any Ghost. He said "I adamantly deny that I have ever had anything to do with any woman or any man in any type of par...
Read full storyInterview with Rudy: "Don't call me for the next 9/11"
For the first time since abandoning his presidential bid, former New York City mayor Rudolph Giuliani sat for an interview to discuss his run for the country's top office and his future plans with freelance journalist Joshua Binkley.
Read full storyPresidency Renamed "Commander-In-Chiefency"
Washington, DC - The former office of President of the United States has been renamed Commander-in-Chief of the World, according to an announcement from CINCWHIHOU (formerly the White House).
Read full storyPsychic surgeons battle to remove toxic foreign body from Britney's vagina
Los Angeles - (Toxic Ass Mess): Psychic surgeons have waged a five hour battle to remove what has been described as 'toxic pathogens' from Britney Spears' vagina.
Read full storyDenis Wise Appointed as Newcastle United Director of Football in Latest Toon Disaster
Newcastle United have taken the unlikely step of appointing Leeds United manager Dennis Wise as the Director of Football at St James Park, a move that is certain to raise a few eyebrows on Tyneside. Wise, who in the 1980s, famously helped vandalis...
Read full storyBritney Spears Vagina Taken To Hospital
Former singing star Britney Spears was whisked away from her Los Angeles home in an ambulance today, amid rumours that she cannot cope without the support of her vagina, which yesterday announced that it was retiring...
Read full storyOpus Dei hate mail factory bankrolled Cherie's spending binges
London - (Satanic Cult Mess): Police investigating the missing HMRC discs containing personal details of up to 25 million Britons have stumbled across an internet link to a Opus Dei-affiliated debt-collecting agency that regularly sent out hate mail...
Read full storyPacers lack endgame strategy
Promotions whiz Michael Grazzo was fired by the Indiana Pacers on this week when he couldn't come up with another cheesy gimmick to fill the final 30 seconds of down-time during the Pacers-Boston Celtics game at Conseco Fieldhouse.
Read full storyBritney nuthouse motorcade escort cost LA taxpayers $3 million
Summit City, LA - (Crackpot Mess): The flawlessy-executed 1am operation to escort troubled singer Britney Spears to hospital cost LA taxpayers around $3 million - "and every penny a sound investment" - according to LAPD and Fire Department...
Read full storyWatch Out: Beadle's Dead
Jeremy Beadle, the much-loved prankster who was responsible for shows such as Game For A Laugh, You've Been Framed, and Beadle's About, has died aged 59 - or has he? The TV joker is said to have fallen into a coma after being admitted to hospital...
Read full storyBritish Davis Cup Team Prepare for Humiliation
The withdrawal of Andy Murray from Britain's Davis Cup team to face Argentina in Buenos Aires on clay has forced balding captain John Lloyd to concede that they're 'in for a right royal hammering' just a few days before the explosive...
Read full story