Los Angeles - (Toxic Ass Mess): Psychic surgeons have waged a five hour battle to remove what has been described as 'toxic pathogens' from Britney Spears' vagina.
"These could have been affecting her like a mind-bending drug," a clinic spokesman commented today.
The freaked-out singer was rushed to LA's Seedy Signs Memorial Hospital at 1am today under an armed escort.
A PR source at LA FagHagSlagMag told reporters initial probes confirmed a diagnosis that "somebody or something had tampered with Britney's intra-uterine device" possibly substituting the Copper-7 unit for one constructed from contaminated whale penis bone.
"Of course it could also be a ferret that's somehow lodged itself in her fanny after accidentally crawling up there during a bad acid trip," the spokesman added.
Ferrets are a popular pet with Britons such as Spears' paparazzo ex-squeeze Adnan Abu-Ghraib who has been described by the singer's mother as a "walking pus-filled timebomb" milking dry Britney's generosity.
Psychic surgery itself is a highly controversial procedure slated by the US Federal Trade Commission who investigated claims that it was effective in the removal of 'foreign bodies placed in the patient's body by evil spirits'.
"Britney's favorite evil spirit has always been 70-proof Tecuila," a Bel Air clinician commented today, "something she likes to mix with crack cocaine and crystal meth during those torrid sex sessions of hers."
A hospital update is expected later today.
