President Bush Bets on Pats in Super Bowl
President Bush today revealed his plan to balance the budget by betting on the New England Patriots in this year's Super Bowl. The Patriots are a 13 and a half point favorite over the New York Giants.
Read full storyNeo-Nazis' disgust at Tom Cruise/Goebbels comparison
Berlin - (Mein Campf Mess): A sect of British neo-Nazis has hit out at suggestions that actor Tom Cruise is the Scientology cult's modern-day equivalent of Nazi propaganda minister Joseph Goebbels.
Read full storyPresident George Bush Clones Himself
President George W. Bush spent the day at Walter Reed Hospital having himself cloned. Doctors say that the "carbon copies" will gestate and be full size and ready to leave their test tube environment by late October.
Read full storyThai soap branded tawdry Mile High Club airscrew saga
Bangkok, Thailand - (Ass Mess & Reuterus): A TV soap entitled The Air Hostess Whore has been branded corrupt and lurid after showing Bangkok-style shenanigans of the Thai Mile High Club.
Read full story'Where's the Beef!?' 75-year-old grandmother arrested for disorderly conduct at a McDonalds drive-thru for not pulling up to the pickup window fast enough
South Beach, Florida - Jean Merola, 75-year-old grandmother of eight, sat in her car at a McDonald's drive-thru waiting for her order of coffee and fries but not quite pulling forward to the pick up window because the cashier told her to wait, it...
Read full storyTop Crack Mansion sells for £50 million
Bishops Avenue, London - (Bad Ass Mess): Property crisis? What property crisis! Yet another 2008 house price record has just been smashed with the sale this week of Top Crack Mansion situated on the notorious wobbly tectonic plate region o...
Read full storyPrince William joins Mile High Club
Following his disastrous first solo flight, Prince William has redeemed himself in the eyes of his Royal Air Force instructors and joined the prestigious Mile High...
Read full storyHillary Endorses Hillary: Emerging Candidate Finally Finds Herself
NARCISSUS, Nev. - In the field of candidates for the 2008 presidential election, some are looking for a clear winner. For one person, that search is over.
Read full storyC Diffisule Flatteroidalitis on The Increase
The annual footballers bug C Diffisule Flatteroidalitis has hit record levels this January transfer window. Numerous soccer players and an increasing number of their agents have been reported as suffering from the symptoms.
Read full storyJeremy Paxman obessed with underwear
Politicians will sleep a little easier tonight, knowing that Jeremy Paxman (or Pantsman as he is now known) has revealed his private passion - collecting underwear.
Read full storyFred Thompson Drops Out of GOP Race to Star In 'Rambo 5'
Former Tennessee Senator and Republican Presidential pipe-dreamer Fred Thompson announced today that he is dropping out of the race for the party's nomination and has signed on to play the son of Sylvester Stallone's Rambo in next year's...
Read full storyKeegan livid at cup fiasco
Keegan today revealed how very hurt he was at how standards had dropped at Newcastle.
Read full storyAlcohol Can Increase the Risk of Getting Married
Mephistophels, Tennessee (IPP) - Scientists at the Institute for the Preservation of Bachelorhood (IPOB) are warning bachelors that the use of alcohol can increase the risk of getting married.
Read full storySpitzer Pharmaceuticals to enter lucrative placebo market
After the revelation that many doctors are prescribing placebos for their patients, Spitzer Pharmaceuticals, makers of advanced pharmaceutical products, announced today that it has developed a more-potent placebo.
Read full storyMoths "have sex just like humans"
Moths, who many thought mated only to reproduce, have astounded the scientific world by exhibiting many of the characteristics of human sex, suggests a study published today. The report, "Moths and How They Do Each Other", examined the bre...
Read full storyZac Ephron buys Brittney Spears' farts
High School Musical 'hotty', Zac Efron has embroiled himself in the whole Britney Spears saga by purchasing 4 cubic gallons of her farts in an online auction organised by an...
Read full storyMore Famous Celebrities Join Huckabee's Campaign
It was announced today by Mike Huckabee, former governor of Arkansas, and Republican Presidential Candidate that Mike Tyson, former boxing world champion and Tonya Harding, past world class figure skater, have joined his growing list of noteworthy ic...
Read full story'Carry On England Manager' Movie Announced
Farthead Productions today revealed that a new 'Carry On' film is to be made about the life and times of a typical England Manager...
Read full storyOsama Bin Ladin Opens Gay Bar
Islamisbad, Pakistan (IPP) - Osama Bin Ladin earned and saved enough money from the sale of goat gonads that he was able to open a gay bar for his band of lonely mujahideen bandoleros and fighters.
Read full storyBristol Born Lad Appointed Surgeon General by Bush
Today President Bush announced during a press conference held at the White House that a distinguished English Surgeon, who holds dual citizenship in the United States, would take the helm of the Government's highest medical authority.
Read full storyKebab crazy M.P.s Terrorize London's Streets
Gordon Brown received an official warning, today, from legal teams representing the violent and dispossessed gangs of London.
Read full storyThe Pack looses track
In the recent NFC championship game, the Pack gets fudge packed by the NY Giants.
Read full storyGiraffe found strangled to death at Brookfield Zoo; ladder found beside lifeless body may contain clues
Chicago, Illinois - Brookfield Zoo officials were stunned to find the lifeless body of their beloved 11-year-old male giraffe named "Dusti" in his enclosure yesterday evening. Because there appears to be no sign of a struggle, police suspec...
Read full storySeeking more revenue, U.S. Government starts its own religion
The U.S. government was reeling from multi-trillion dollar debts when it seized on the perfect way to make infinite profits - starting its own religion. The President and Vice-President went before Congress to announce the start of The Church of Amer...
Read full storyPundits Denounce War On Martin Luther King, Jr Day
Charleston, SC - Standing next to the Confederate flag flying on state capital grounds, a group of
Read full storyVanessa Hudgens rushes Zac Efron back to the ER, after he busts a stitch from his vasectomy, trying to bust a move on her
Hollywood, California - Acting against his surgeon's medical advice to go home, rest up and avoid becoming aroused so that the stitches from his vasectomy would...
Read full storyRoyal College of Needlework displays missionaries' FGM sewing samplers
London - (Reuterus & Ass Mess): Two hundred years of missionaires' sewing techniques are on show at a Royal College of Needlework exhibition devoted to educational samplers demonstrating appropriate stitching techniques to foreign heathens hell b...
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