Obama Writings Support Partial-Youth Abortion
Reeling from diving poll numbers among women, Obama has expanded his abortion interpretation to extend mothers' "rights to choice" for up to 24 months beyond a baby's birth. With his recently written "Partial-Youth Abortion" bill, Obama lauds the...
Read full storyFeline Teacher Given The Boot
The worlds first feline teacher has been sacked from her job at a top University after certain people found there was no way she could in any way be a teacher. It is rumoured that Baby Mutton, 10, was sacked is not because she is not human, but th...
Read full storySelig: Scrotum Sack Cupping Currently Frowned Upon
In a reaction to public outcry Major League Baseball Commissioner Bud Selig announced today at a news conference that the league office is looking into a ban on player's latest congratulatory trend of scrotum sack cupping. "We are looking into the...
Read full storyBlackerBerry for Sweeter Juice
The makers of the BlackBerry smart phones have just released the latest addition of their market dominating device. "We call this latest version BlackerBerry," said a spokesman for the company. "Because as we all know the blacker the berry the swe...
Read full storyLiverpool Sign Gary Barlow Instead Of Gareth Barry
Liverpool have finally come to terms with the fact that they will not be signing Gareth Barry from Aston Villa, and have, instead, signed Gary Barlow from Take That. Villa wanted more than £18million for Barry, and whilst Liverpool were not prepar...
Read full storyStevie Wonder, Paul McCartney to Perform "Ebony and Ivory" at Denver DNC Conference
Barack Obama, a big music fan himself, has invited Stevie Wonder and Paul McCartney to perform their famous song "Ebony and Ivory" at the Demoncratic National Convention this week. The performance will take place Thursday, the day entitled "Change...
Read full storyObama: "I am Not a Misogynist"; Denounces his Muslim Roots
After repeatedly bashing Hillary Clinton in the Democratic primaries, and reportedly giving little or no consideration to the former first lady as vp running mate, Barack Obama struggles to distance himself from accusations of misogynism . "I am n...
Read full storyObama Abandons 'Change' SLOGANISTA Campaign, Changes to "Politics as Usual" with Biden VEEP Pick
Seeing his double-digit lead vanish in his hollow "Change" mantra, Obama has apparently changed style, evidenced by his selecting long-time politician Joe Biden as his Vice President running mate . Biden, the senior senator from Delaware brings wi...
Read full storyObamas Prefer Shopping at Plagiar Joe's
The favorite grocery store for the Obamas was a secret up until now. It turns out to be Plagiar Joe's, the world's most popular plagiarist! The store is the ultimate insiders' store for DC shoppers, as it turns out. It is somewhat a reminder of t...
Read full storyParis Hilton goes to Harvard
The world is coming to end. Fact. Why? Well, Paris Hilton is going to Harvard University. Yes, you read correctly. The heiress with less I.Q. points than a wooden spoon has been accepted into one of the top colleges in the world. Hilton announced...
Read full storyAustrian incest nutter Fritzl says Gary Glitter is his firstborn
Amstetten - (Sordid Ass Mess): Austrian incest wacko Joseph Fritzl has told his lawyer that beleagured UK sex molestor Gary Glitter is his eldest child. Fritzl, 84, said that the birth mother was a lady-in-waiting to Hellfire Club grande dame the...
Read full storyBizarre Eclipse Panics Millons In USA
Philadelphia PA-- An unexpected eclipse panicked millions of East Coast residents last evening. The terror spread to the Midwest and then the West Coast as the full power of the celestial event was unleashed. Grown men wept in the streets as it becam...
Read full storyCubans Riot As James DeGale Wins Boxing Gold
British boxer James DeGale won the Olympic Middleweight boxing gold medal against Cuba's Emilio Correa today, but the big news was the reaction of Correa's fans, who started a protest in the arena which spilled over into a full-scale riot. The bou...
Read full storyHillary demands London ambassadorship as Dems write their own obit with BO/JoeBi Opus Dei dreamticket
Washington AC/DC - (Karmic Mess): Hillary Clinton has demanded the London ambassadorship in the event of an Obama/Biden White House win. But many US voters already feel that the choice of a self-aggrandizing, Opus Dei muck-spreading, agenda-riven,...
Read full storySharon Stone Robs The Cradle!
Kingston, Jamaica - Sharon Stone age 50 and actress in several melodramatic "B" movies in the 80s and 90s, has been seen hanging out with a ganglie 24 year old, known only as Vinnie. The relationship has caused several to suggest that the star of The...
Read full storyGeorge Michael to Film New Police Video in Manchester
The city of Manchester is bracing itself for an influx of over 250,000 uniformed lesbian, gay, bisexual and transgender police from 16 forces across the UK this weekend when George Michael shoots the video for his forthcoming single "Wake Me Up Befor...
Read full storyTom Daley In Trouble Over Untidy Bedroom
Teenage British Olympic diver Tom Daley is in hot water with his mum over the terrible state of his bedroom. Tom has been away with the British squad in Beijing for the last month, and, according to mum Debbie: "left his room in a right state!"...
Read full storyMan with world's biggest penis admits he has trouble keeping it in his pants.
Life might not be all sunshine and roses for someone as well-endowed as Cyril Clitlicker. The man famous for having a 36inch willy confesses that his exceptionally large manhood often gets him into serious trouble. Cyril was answering questions at...
Read full storyHome Secretary to get tough on wheel clampers
After continued requests to successive Home Secretaries for almost 15 years to do something about wheel clampers, Jacqui Smith has decided the Government will act. She said" "We have been in government for over 5, er, 6, er 10 years, er, we've bee...
Read full storyOlympic Taekwondo Cheating Scandal - War With China Looms
More Olympic scandal today, in the Taekwondo arena this time, with British girl Sarah Stevenson being the victim of the judges' incompetence, as she lost to, you guessed it, a Chinese competitor. Sarah was trailing 1-0 with just seconds of her mat...
Read full storyDear Paraphernalia4Yourgenitalia.cum: Does recircumcision stimulate penis growth?
Dear P4YG, Is it true that in the same way that frequent hair cutting brings in longer and thicker hair( you should see the hedge upon my mons pubis from early and often weed wacking!), a recircumcision brin gs the penis back in larger and wider than life size? BIGBUSH n lil dick Dear Mr President and Vice, First let me say how honored and sexsually pleased I am to have the abstinence only...
Read full storyObama's Inexperience Being White Concerns Voters
Willmington VA - Barrack Obama's recent slide in the polls to Senator McCain has been attributed to the ugly fact that voters are just now noticing that he is not white. The trend has been slow to emerge. At first voters polled stated they were c...
Read full storyRussia invades wrong Georgia, offers a "My Bad"
Russia is pulling out of Georgia after its week long invasion of the small neighboring country. The Russian army pulled out all its tanks and their soldiers. General Vladimir Jackumov told the international press at a conference held in Moscow th...
Read full storyObama's Text Message Alert of his choice for V.P. meant to elude John McCain's transcontinental carrier pigeon network
Phoenix, Arizona - Barack Obama's decision to release the name of his choice for vice president by text message alert and e-mail is a carefully calculated political strategy meant to keep John McCain in the dark, guessing for days who he is running a...
Read full storyPoofters encouraged to join MI5
The British intelligence service MI5 is pushing to recruit more flaming queers to the organisation. After all, say spokesmen for MI5, " Everyone knows 007 was a famous woopsie, all those sexy straight women around him - that's the hallmark of you...
Read full storyNew Evidence Indicates Who Shot Down the Red Baron
Berlin Germany, Der Spiegel Magazine (Translated): There has been much speculation in the United Kingdom and the United States in recent years as to how Manfred Albrecht Freiherr von Richthofen, aka, "The Red Baron" met his fate during WWI. New evidence has surfaced about this incident. "The Red Baron" was the most successful flying ace of World War I, being officially credited with 80 confir...
Read full storyDetroit Produces First Four Wheel All Electric Airbag
Detroit MI, September 2020: A consortium of American automobile makers rolled out their first prototype model of a four wheel all electric airbag. This six passenger car has been built in response to all those adults, who as children were raised in a...
Read full story