Cameron finally admits, "We haven't a Cat in Hell's chance "
In news that will send shockwaves around middle England, Conservative leader David Cameron admitted that the Tories have absolutely no chance of winning the next election.
Read full story'No evidence' of Diana pregnancy
'Intimate' details of Princess Diana's life will be heard at the inquest into her death, but evidence of pregnancy may never be known, a judge has said.
Read full storyConvicted Lockerbie bomber says Bush framed him
Scotland - (Conspiracy Mess): Lawyers for convicted Libyan Lockerbie bomber Abdelbaset Ali Mohmed al-Megrahi have filed a new appeal alleging a key prosecution witness in the Pan Am Flight 103 bombing trial was offered a $2m reward by George W Bush i...
Read full storyBrown to Call Pre-Election Election
Gordon Brown ended speculation about the date of a 'snap' General Election when he announced that he would be holding a 'pre-election' election, just to see where the land lay.
Read full storyRita Cosby vows to publish gay Stern porn videos amid $60 million defamation suit
Atlanta - (Ass Mess): Veteran TV news anchor and ex-MSNBC senior correspondent Rita Cosby has vowed to publish gay porn videos in support of her book that claims Anna Nicole Smith's ex-partner and lawyer Howard K Stern and Larry Birkhead, father...
Read full storyCameron: "Please don't call snap election."
David Cameron ended the Conservative Party conference with the rallying cry, "Oi, Gordon Brown! Please don't call a snap election."...
Read full storyOC exhibitionist lesbian loses case but wins right to be treated like everybody else; appeals, demanding to be treated different
Orange County, California - Unfamiliar with the let down that being treated just like everybody else is not all that it is cracked up to be, 19-year-old, Charlene Nguon, vowed to file an appeal overturning the results of today's judicial ruling t...
Read full storyCherie Blair: Tragic lack of interest spells final chapter
Rescuers desperately trying to refloat rescue Cherie Blair from the beach where she lays stranded fear they may have to give up because 'no -one cares about her any more.'...
Read full storyPrince Bandar mourns death of DC pal negotiating first Saudi Gay Pride March
Washington AC/DC - (Conspiracy Mess): Connections of former Saudi ambassador to the US Prince Bandar have spoken of his 'shock and dismay' at the news of the death of Manhattan porn star drag queen Dean Johnson whose body was found in a AC/DC...
Read full storyBomb squad defuse hot chilli in Soho
Police and firefighters wearing protective breathing apparatus were called to the Thai Cottage Restaurant, D'Arblay Street, Soho to defuse a really hot chilli dish prepared by chefs. The dish, called Nam...
Read full storyPavarotti's sensational new will says singer died broke
Modena, Italy - (Litigious Mess): Opera star Luciano Pavarotti died broke after signing away his fortune to a 'young male stripper friend' called Brazilian Bruno, a sensational new will revealed today.
Read full storyAll parts of a Candy Corn taste the same
New studies show that the red, orange, and white parts of a candy corn all taste the same, despite popular belief. It is a common practice to bite each color individually in hopes of experiencing each flavor by itself.
Read full storyStop concealing drugs in old folks' food, MPs told
London - (NarcoPress): Buckingham Palace should be barred from hiding drugs in the food and drink of its elderly residents, MPs were told yesterday.
Read full storyMoira Stuart Sacked by BBC
The BBC, purportedly the most professional organisation in the world, has made a glaring error in announcing the sacking of one of its most popular and trusted newcasters, Moira Stuart. It sp...
Read full story"Snakes on a Snake Preserve" Premieres to Cool Response
A new production studio's hopes for their recent action blockbuster dimmed somewhat when their film opened to a mediocre audience response and poor reviews.
Read full storyNewt Un-Withdraws from White House bid
Newt Gingrich has un-withdrawn his withdrawal of consideration to run for President. While this doesn't mean that Newt is running for President it does mean that he is still considering being a candidate.
Read full storyCadbury's New Yummy Range Means You're Fired
LONDON: Today, lean, mean chocolate giant Cadbury launched a super new range of cheap chocolate bars, and to make them even sweeter, they're going to make huge savings on UK jobs everywhere outside London.
Read full storyOsama's Bin Drinking
OSAMA BIN LADEN narrowly escaped capture last night after getting pissed out of his skull on an Al Qaeda stag night in Afghanistan.
Read full storyBritney Spears Vagina Slips Out Again, Man Claims Sex Tape Footage
After loosing custody of her two children Britney Spears decided to go tanning and clubbing to chase away the pain. This is understandable after being the responsible one for the last two years it's only fair she gets to sew her wild oats.
Read full storyDiana Pictures Are "Too Disgusting"
Jurors at the inquest into the deaths of Princess Diana and Dodi al Fayed have been prevented from seeing some of the last photographs to be taken of the couple - because they are "too d...
Read full storyConservatives will give Everyone Money, if Elected
The Conservative party kicked off this year's party conference in Blackpool with a staggering, 'elect us and we will make you rich' manifesto.
Read full storyCarl's Jr. restaurant to name new hamburger after Britney Spears: "The Britney (not so) Famous Star"; other fast-food chains to follow
Los Angeles, California - After Britney dropped off her kids at a Carl's Jr. fast-food restaurant chain, Carl's Jr. executives have gone into overdrive trying to brainstorm on how to capitalize on all the free publicity. Recently they turned...
Read full story"I'm genuinely a right Shit House " claims Jeremy Kyle.
In a statement that is bound to prematurely end the career of nonce Jeremy Kyle, the odious television presenter claimed yesterday:...
Read full story"You will learn to love me" Grant tells Chelsea fans.
Avram Grant, seen here wearing a hat, last night pledged to bring a smile back to Stamford Bridge as he promised the moody Blues fans: " You will learn to love me ".
Read full storyA Call to Arms
There has been a lot of talk lately about The Environment - that rapid poodle Al "Ring Master" Gore keeps dragging out onto stage like some rhesus monkey with a robot brain at a mad scientist's convention.
Read full storyTerrorists Seize Stockpile of Government Cheese: Most Affected Are Consumers of St. Louis-Style Pizza
EAST ST. LOUIS, IL -- Early yesterday morning a terrorist group with links to Al-Queda staged a daring raid on a warehouse holding the Midwest's largest cache of government cheese.
Read full storyVegan Flatulence Dubbed "Toxic"
BOULDER, CO -- Studies performed at the University of Colorado at Boulder have concluded that while most forms of flatulence are nasty to outright disgusting in smell, flatulence emitted by vegans can be borderline toxic and even deadly. The study hi...
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