LONDON: Today, lean, mean chocolate giant Cadbury launched a super new range of cheap chocolate bars, and to make them even sweeter, they're going to make huge savings on UK jobs everywhere outside London.
A factory in Bristol is to close making savings on 500 costly jobs, while Birmingham production will be transferred to Poland making savings on 200 jobs. That's a total saving to the nation of 700 costly UK jobs.
In Poland, the average wage is little more than £4,000 a year and unemployment is the highest in Europe. Some people work for 40p an hour in Poland, which is good, because that means even cheaper chocolate.
Cadbury's, former 19th century Quakers who once campaigned for justice, equality and social reform, putting an end to poverty and deprivation, said changes were needed to achieve "greater supply chain efficiencies".
The company said it needed to make cheaper chocolate so it could continue to grow and remain competitive. Charles Dickens, another 19th century social pioneer once said:
"Cheap chocolate is very, very important indeed."
So well done Cadbury's.
Note: This spoof, although entirely fictitious is also entirely true.
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