Male Stars, Taking Cue From Britney, Shed Underwear
Frustrated by all the attention today's starlets are getting for their panty-free public adventures, an increasing number of male stars has begun making the nightclub rounds sans underwear.
Read full storyBridge, with Laurence Tapering
Hereward Legge-Bhandy's quartet (Lucinda Legge-Bhandy/Merkin, Rancible) forced the early pace at the Area Finals at the Pillager Hotel, Westward Ho! and Ivor Merkin came up with a fine 'barrage' of 'three over fives' to help Legge-Bhandy's cause.
Read full storyPerformance Enhancing Drugs in the Workplace
Washington Depot, CT (AP) - Concerns that doped employees are exercising an unfair advantage over their co-workers and violating the ideals of teamwork follow the rise in coffee use.
Read full storyThe Race For Facebook
The River Thames - In a dramatic twist of events, two bitter rivals, Microsoft and Google, have fought it out with a boat race on the River Thames to become the sole owner of social networking site 'Facebook'...
Read full storyBritney Spears sets Vagina on fire - blamed for California blaze
Pop princess Britney Spears' life has been on one long downward spiral over the past few years but now she has definitely hit rock bottom after "accidentally" setting fire to her vagina at her Malibu home.
Read full storyIran safe... for now.
A great weight lifted from the shoulders of Iranian officials today as the US announced the missile defense system is still on track, despite opposition from Russia.
Read full storyNorthern Rock: Desperate Applegarth in Adult Vontose Plea
Beleaguered bank Northern Rock, and its beleaguered boss Adam Applegarth, last night issued a beleaguered statement in one final desperate beleaguered attempt at explaining the crisis that has hit the beleaguered bank. In a strange and frantic move A...
Read full storyChina to prove "the Man in the Moon" has slanty eyes
As China launched a space probe on wednesday evening, the scientists behind the mission have speculated that the legendary face of the"Man in the Moon" is actually a Chinaman. Professor Pee Pee of the Beijing University of Aeronautical Stuff said:...
Read full storyTed Kennedy Proposes New Drunk Driving Lane
Boston, MA (USA Today) - Senator Ted "I'll drink to that" Kennedy has proposed the addition of DUI Lanes to all interstate freeways.
Read full storyIceland Moves to Brazil
Citing a growing dissatisfaction with the cold weather, the country of Iceland moved this week to Brazil. There was little fanfare, in fact, few outsiders knew it happened till it was done.
Read full storyFlorida Hosts Underwater Pumpkin-Shagging Contest
Key Largo, Florida - (Ass mess): Not content to shag their Halloween pumpkins in the traditional way, some local Key Largo divers are staging an innovative shag-your-pumpkin underwater contest this year.
Read full story"Its a lie!" Asserts Enraged new Irish supremo
Co Kildare, Ireland. Maurice Ball, rumoured to have been appointed the new Irish football coach angrily, if somewhat incomprehensibly,denied today that he had got the lucrative job while engaged in a marathon drinking session in a pub in the CO. Kild...
Read full storyAustralians find bare-breasted can-crushing barmaid
Perth - (Mammary Mess): Western Australian residents can breathe a sigh of relief at last after a Pinjarra barmaid who entertained customers by crushing beer cans between her bare breasts and hanging spoons from her nipples was found after going miss...
Read full storyPat Robertson blames Godless Hollywood sluts for SoCal fires disaster
Virginia Beach - (Apocalyptic Mess): The Reverend Pat Robertson has blamed "Godless sluts like Britney, Paris Hilton, Lindsay Lohan and Vanessa Hudgens" for the Lord's wrath that's wreaking havoc on Southern California's fire-ra...
Read full storyU.S. to Outsource Navy to Carnival Cruise Line
Camp Pendleton, CA (CNN) - Admiral Isaac Washington announced today that in an effort to reduce costs and encourage enlistment the Navy will be outsourcing the Pacific Fleet to Carnival Cruise Lines. The Navy is also currently working on a deal to ou...
Read full storyCould Lady Thatcher's historic HQ become Hellfire Club's new London home?
London - (AssoCIAted Mess): Two buildings which once housed Margaret Thatcher's notorious Tory Party headquarters are set to become the new Hellfire Club super embassy in London, according to sources.
Read full storyBush: Republicans Pose Grave Threat
WASHINGTON (FMLiveWire) - Republicans pose a major threat to world peace says US President George W. Bush in a frank interview with FMLiveWire.
Read full storyStaunton And Bobby To Open Chip Shop
Following the unsurprising announcement of Steve Staunton's departure as manager, Big Stan is taking the most unlikely of career changes by opening up a chip shop.
Read full storyGordon Ramsey set to buy ailing Little Chef Restaurant Chain
At a hurriedly convened Press Conference held this morning Wednesday 24th October 2007 at the Dorchester Hotel, London it was announced that Gordon Ramsey's Restaurant Business, The KinHell Group of Companies where about to launch a bid for the a...
Read full storyAsians More Likely To Ride Scooters - Report
Asians, and particularly Indians, are more likely to be scooter riders, says a new government report out today.
Read full storyWhy Dancing = Romancing
Good dancers are more likely to sweep women off their feet - and it's not just their funky moves that do the trick. A new study says men who know how to strut their stuff tend to have better body symmetry. It seems that a good rhythmical pelvic thrust is not just an asset on the dance floor!...
Read full storyBush Administration Decides to Outsource Decision-Making to Flavia
District of Columbia (Baristas "R" Us) - Reputable janitorial sources within the White House have leaked that the President intends to outsource all decision-making to an automatic coffee dispenser.
Read full storyHussein's Blackberry and Ipod Found
News out of Baghdad that the Blackberry owned by the former ruler of the country has been found along with his gold encrusted iPod. The finder of the items has described in detail how he came across these priceless pieces of history.
Read full storyMayor Rethinks "Police Sirens for Everyone" Policy
Toledo, Ohio - Mayor Carty Finkbeiner announced today that his latest city program to issue every resident their own police siren on the condition that they would use it only if faced with a "real emergency" was maybe not so good of an ide...
Read full storyCenter of the Universe Really a Giant Sphinctor!
Australia - Hubble telescope images have revealed a new type of black hole that scientists most closely relates to the actions of a giant sphinctor.
Read full story"When will we, will we be famous" [again]
The date 24th August 1989. The venue Wembley Arena. Thirteen thousand screaming young nubiles greeted the arrival on stage of two paroxide brothers or 'Bros' as they became known, who had, over the previous two years, dominated the British si...
Read full storyNew bin Laden Tape: No Virgins for Female Suicide Bombers
Tora Bora, Pakistan -- In a new tape played by Al Jazeera today, Osama bin Laden reiterated that only male suicide bombers will be the recipients of the promised 72 virgins. "In the name of Allah, I say to you: No! Only men wi...
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