Staunton And Bobby To Open Chip Shop

Funny story written by Ivor Seabass

Wednesday, 24 October 2007

Following the unsurprising announcement of Steve Staunton's departure as manager, Big Stan is taking the most unlikely of career changes by opening up a chip shop.

As he was met by tens of reporters as he left the FAI board meeting in the Blue Oyster Hotel Dublin, Staunton stopped to give a brief statement.

"Following my departure (by mutual consent) from my role as the gaffer of the Irish team, I have decided with the advice of Bobby Robson to open a Fish and Chip shop with the cash Delaney gave us. Planning of the shop will start immediately and please God all in all we will be open by March of next year"

A stunned reporter asked did the pair know anything about owning a chip shop and would they be directly involved in actually running it. Staunton replied:

"What Bobby Robson doesn't know about fish-n-chips is not worth knowin', the man's a legend, and of course I'll be there… I'll be the Gaffer with Bobby standing behind me telling me what to do…. but I'll do it my way ... Whatever I say goes, and I will use Bobby in whatever role I see fit… probably working the fryer, but who knows… we'll see"

A reporter from the star asked Staunton, what was the thinking behind such a dramatic change in career and could he elaborate more on the plans, Stan initially stared blankly before the reporter explained the big word.

"Well… at the end of the day we all like fish and chips and when Big Jack brought us to Harry Ramsden's in 95 before a major qualifier to try the 'Harry's Challenge' I knew this is what I've always wanted to do…. I probably won't call the restaurant 'Harry Ramsden's ' but we'll will look at the possibilities of bringing on a new name, Like 'Stan and Bob's' or vice versa.

He went on to say "I've been talking to a few of the younger players and I have their backing, and at the end of the day I have a job to do"

When asked about what sort of clientele he'd be appealing to Staunton said:

"We'll obviously aim high, bring on some new menus, I've been looking at different fish over the past few months, the Pollocks, the Soles, the Haddocks, the Dolphins and I think it's the right time to give the new fish an opportunity at the higher level"

When asked did he know the hunting of Dolphins was illegal, Staunton simply replied "I don't know… you tell me"

The funny story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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