Jacko Starts Work On The Katrina Charity Single
[Washington] Raymone K. Bain announced today that Michael Jackson has finally finished scratching his spotted parts and is ready to begin working on the Hurricane Katrina Charity Single.
Read full storyLewis Hamilton caught taking the P****
News has leaked out that Lewis Hamilton has been filmed by a Formula 1 fan at the Brazilian Grand Prix at Sao Paulo yesterday, urinating in his petrol tank.
Read full storyFox News commits Mitt Romney's Douglas Maher after Debate
Broek Henderson reporting for GNN News desk from the FOX Presidential Debate in Orlando Florida.
Read full storyBuddha Let Us Down, Says Wilko
Disappointed with the World Cup Final defeat against South Africa, Jonny Wilkinson, the English 'David Beckham' has placed the entire blame for England's loss on Buddha.
Read full storyBlack People To Be Culled for Crime Study
Up to 12,000 black people in Britain's inner cities will be shot under a new initiative to tackle growing gun crime in the UK. People from ethnic minorities will be shot to ensure Britain wins the fight against v...
Read full storyBush Labels California Wild Fires a Terrorist Organization
President Bush today enacted his executive powers and has officially labelled the southern California area wild fires a terrorist organization.
Read full storyMahmoud Ahmadinejad says "Just Kidding"
Tehran (AP) - Invoking the universal "get me off the hook" phrase "just kidding" Iranian President Mahmoud Ahmadinejad admitted today "I was just kidding…the holocaust really happened and we do have homosexuals in Iran. God,...
Read full storySo-Cal Fires may have been started by Ellen
The wild fires wrecking havoc across Southern California may have been stared deliberately by funny woman chat show host Ellen DeGeneres.
Read full storyJudge Orders Britney Spears To Wear Undies
(Hollywood) - Judge Judy today ordered Britney Spears to wear undies whenever she goes out in public. The court order is effective immediately.
Read full storyPoland has new Government - Twins Out!
Polish political par-tay Civic Platform, today took a strong position as a result of the parliamentary elections Sunday, winning 41.4 percent of the total vote with 600 percent of returns counted.
Read full storyEx-FBI Spy Catcher Uses Skills to Decode Gambler Traitors
Washington DC - (AssoCIAted Mess): Famous FBI spook-buster Joseph Navarro, who identifies traitors through their subtle behavioral idiosyncrasies, may be onto a winner.
Read full storyKohring just a worm on the end of a huge corruption hook court is told
Anchorage, Alaska - (AssoCIAted Mess): Former State Representative Vic Kohring was just a worm on the end of a massive corruption probe hook that plumbed the murkiest depths of Alaska's oil-rich waters, the US District Court was told today.
Read full storyNoshing Mink offers to pay for surgery to give fellow writer a sense of humour
Noshing Mink has reportedly offered to pay for surgery to fellow writer in seine to give him a sense of humour. in seine, a minor contributor, is said to be considering the offer.
Read full storySex More Popular Than Ever - Claim
Sex is more popular than ever, claims a report, in some cases even outstripping football as the hobby of choice.
Read full storyFormer Mozambique President is victim of fake prize scam
Former Mozambique President Joaquim Chissano has learned that he has won a large cash prize, but he has refused to collect it, because he fears it may be a scam.
Read full storyUS Dollar and T-Bills to Be Printed On Rolls for Personal Hygiene
WASHINGTON (FMLiveWire) - President George Bush announced on Monday that Kimberly Clark Corp. will take over the printing of US dollars and Treasury bonds on special paper, in order to enhance their dual use as investments and also as paper for perso...
Read full storyInterior Design Association to sponsor anti-smoking crusade
The British Interior Design Association (BIDA) has announced plans to fund unsettling new warnings on cigarette packs. The graphic images would cover at least 30% of the front of each pack and 40% of the back.
Read full story"Fred '08 : Friends of Fred Thompson" Campaign Blamed for California Wildfires
Southern California - Republican presidential candidate Fred Thompson is now embroiled in a scandal of his own after triggering massive wildfires near Los Angeles over the weekend. Thompson, who drives a red pick-up truck, was out on the campaign tr...
Read full storyAudi Replaces BMW as Tossers' Vehicle of Choice
The 'Whit Car' annual study of car ownership was released yesterday and contained a number of surprises, most notably, that 'Wankers' are now more likely to own an Audi than a BMW, with the A...
Read full storyMentally Challenged Florida Man on Fox News: "Ron Paul is Certifiably Insane"
Eyewitness News 9, Orlando, Florida -- The Fox News Presidential pre-debate show of pre-screened "undecided voters" featured an alleged Florida voter with a long history of mental developmental issues earlier this evening.
Read full storyAmerican Tourist Arrested After Crossing Language Barrier
Londonengland, England - A vacationing Ohio doctor found himself on the wrong end of British law yesterday when coming to the aid of a woman that had fallen heavily on her backside at Kings Cross Station.
Read full storySouth Dakota burns to the ground; Family left homeless
The entire state of South Dakota caught fire and burned to a cinder this afternoon leaving one family homeless, according to a report by the North Dakota News.
Read full story"High School Musical 28 ½: Superbug Staph Infection!" -- Disney's planned PSA on the importance of maintaining teenage personal hygiene
Hollywood, California - Panic rules the bathrooms, gym showers and cafeteria of the East Side High Campus as it is quarantined by the Center for Disease Control (CDC) because of a case of the superbug staph infection has broken out among the student...
Read full storyThe French aren't from this Planet
Roswell N.M. - Long thought to be just a theory, scientists have come to the conclusion that the French are not from Earth.
Read full storyConstellations Receive Black Culture Names
Mount Polamar, California (IP) - After thousands of years of naming the astronomical constellations after figures made famous in various white cultures the International Astronomical Union (IAU) has decided that it is only fair that some of the const...
Read full storyCheney Confesses He is Black
Washington (IP) - Dick Cheney allowed reporters to visit him inside the underground bunker he has been living in 400 feet below the streets of Washington DC.
Read full storyLynne Cheney Discovers Dick Cheney Descended from Attila the Hun
In her passion for genealogical research, Lynne Cheney has found that her husband, Dick Cheney is distantly related to Barack Obama and Burt Reynolds. Now she claims to have followed his ancestral line back even further, and she says she can directly...
Read full storyChevrolet Will Re-Introduce the 57 Chevy
Detroit, Michigan (IP) - General Motors and Chevrolet have announced they will start manufacturing the 1957 Chevy and other car companies will follow in their footsteps.
Read full storyLou Dobbs May Actually Be An Illegal Mexican Immigrant
NEW YORK -- Lou Dobbs, the host of CNN's Lou Dobbs Tonight, has what might be described as a Mexican fetish, often shouting uncontrollably at his guests and viewers about the evils of Mexican immigration. But evidence continues to accumulate sugg...
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