Fox News commits Mitt Romney's Douglas Maher after Debate

Funny story written by TheOneLaw

Monday, 22 October 2007

image for Fox News commits Mitt Romney's Douglas Maher after Debate
Douglas Maher, image taken from before the debate began.

Broek Henderson reporting for GNN News desk from the FOX Presidential Debate in Orlando Florida.

A Psychiatrist and paramedic team were rushed backstage after Mitt Romney's secret debate agent Douglas Maher collapses in convulsions following the event.

Medical team evacuated Maher to Orlando Regional Medical Center Trauma Center after he was discovered vomiting blood in the men's toilet. Witnesses described the event as normal for someone who had undergone conversions to the Romney campaign after serving to elect George Bush during his campaigns for the presidency.

Witnesses to Maher's outbursts in the pre-debate described his verbal outbursts as somewhat incoherent, seemingly the sign of some form of mental condition. This was clarified later to be a physiological reaction to undue stress. Sources from the ORLANDO Florida Hospital Center for Behavioral Health where Maher was eventually transferred relate this as a cerebral aneurysm. This is commonly seen in espionage circles when a double agent is exposed in public - the stress levels trigger blood vessel damage in the hippo campus due to pressure imbalances caused by sudden electrolyte level surges impacting the blood-brain barrier...

Maher was a minor actor hired by FOX NEWS on behalf of the Romney campaign to boost his ratings in the 'undecided' focus group. Fox is not returning calls at this time, so it can't be determined if Maher will have his medical charges covered under Fox News insurance policies, and this has led to some friction between the medical centers involved and the sponsor of the Presidential Debate where the incident occurred.

Apparently the trigger for the aneurysm was the moment following the debate when a supporter for the Ron Paul campaign exposed Maher as participating amongst what Fox had previously declared an audience of 'undecided voters'.

By 'stacking the deck' with a Rmoney supporter the network had hoped to simulate a political conversion on live television and thus boost Rmoney's sagging poll numbers. The plan backfired when Maher's participation was exposed and the resulting confusion led to Maher's collapse after fleeing the cameras toward the toilets.

Unfortunately, perhaps, Larry Craig was not attending the toilets at that moment or further embarrassment might have been avoided.

See the original story for more background: Mentally Challenged Florida Man on Fox News: "Ron Paul is Certifiably Insane"

The funny story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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