Mentally Challenged Florida Man on Fox News: "Ron Paul is Certifiably Insane"

Funny story written by funwithwords

Monday, 22 October 2007

image for Mentally Challenged Florida Man on Fox News: "Ron Paul is Certifiably Insane"
Florida Man: "I don't like you -- leave me alone."

Eyewitness News 9, Orlando, Florida -- The Fox News Presidential pre-debate show of pre-screened "undecided voters" featured an alleged Florida voter with a long history of mental developmental issues earlier this evening.

"Ron Paul is certifiably insane," the man blurted out uncontrollably as pollster Frank Luntz approached him with a question. As the man wiped drool from his face, he also exclaimed, "my daddy can beat Ron Paul up too," before the camera abruptly turned away.

After the debates, we decided to catch up with the man so as to interview him ourselves. What we found surprised us as this was apparently the same 36 year old man that can be seen walking the streets of Orlando at all hours of the day -- and has done so for years.

"Oh yeah, I knew who he was as soon as I saw him on TV," chuckled a local 7-11 clerk, "he comes in here all the time and buys the same candy necklaces most everyday." Asked if she'd ever witnessed him lash out as he did during the pre-debate show on Fox News, the manager noted, "well, I think he's probably harmless, but he pretty much blurts stuff out to lots of people. Most people around here are accustomed to it -- I've never seen him actually try to hurt anybody though. He lives just down the street with his mom and dad."

The clerk went on to speculate, "I think he gets those random phrases from family members."

We also caught up with a participant of the pre-debate show, ironically a Ron Paul supporter. "I was really surprised that they put that guy in there with us," she stated. "I was sitting very close to him and as soon as he went off like that, I found it disturbing. I decided to keep my support for Paul to myself at that point so as not to risk another outburst on live television directed at me," the participant went on to explain. "Of course, I could tell he was a little slow just by looking at him, but I didn't want to take any chances."

After digging a little deeper, it seems that pollster Frank Luntz is no stranger to controversy himself. However, placing a mentally challenged man prone to uncontrolled outbursts on live television with a room full of Florida's undecided voters was, perhaps, a new low for even Frank Luntz and Fox News....

The funny story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

Do you dream of being a comedy news writer? Click here to be a writer!

Comedy spoof news topics
Go to top
readers are online right now!
Globey, The Spoof's mascot

We use cookies to give you the best experience, this includes cookies from third party websites and advertisers.

Continue ? Find out more