US Dollar and T-Bills to Be Printed On Rolls for Personal Hygiene

Funny story written by Felix Minderbinder

Monday, 22 October 2007

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US dollars to come in rolls

WASHINGTON (FMLiveWire) - President George Bush announced on Monday that Kimberly Clark Corp. will take over the printing of US dollars and Treasury bonds on special paper, in order to enhance their dual use as investments and also as paper for personal hygiene.

"Kimberly Clark is America's leading toilet paper maker, and it will print our bills on special soft yet highly absorbent paper to increase the comfort of people using it," said Bush.

The US dollar is plunging in value against other currencies, and demand for Treasuries is also at a record low as US debts and financial crises mount.

"This outsourcing will greatly increase the attractiveness of dollars and bonds, since people will find new uses for them as they fall in value," he added.

Bush has already outsourced the printing of the US Constitution on rolls of paper to Delsey in a highly successful venture.

Kimberly Clark is one of America's leading paper manufacturers and may also print pictures of Bush and Dick Cheney on rolls of the new currency and bonds.

Bush said the new dollar and bond rolls will also be available in one-ply and two-ply, with the two-ply versions "having extra absorbency and the 2-ply bonds will also have a slightly higher interest rate."

--Copyright Felix Minderbinder Live Wire

The funny story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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