Names welcome for new Disney disgarded baby
When a newborn infant was found in a public toilet at a Disney theme park, she was given the name Jasmine after the character from the movie mogul's Alladin.
Read full storyDave says flooding 'Act of God.'
Leader of the opposition Conservative party, David Cameron, announced today that the recent spate of torrential rainfall afflicting southern England is the work of God.
Read full storyStudy: Bullies not reported soon enough
Concerned parents around the world are increasingly worried about the sheer number of bullies harassing their children. "It's becoming an epidemic here and in other schools everywhere," said a Canadian education official.
Read full storyCeleb crackfiends' guide to the Whorely Arms
London - (Rotters): The Serious and Disorganised Crime Agency has published details of London celebs' favorite crack den the Whorely Arms in Camden, gleaned from online blogspots, diairies and MyFaecesBook entries.
Read full storyBig Brother Housemates Reject Neo-Platonism
The Big Brother housemates had a lie-in yesterday, following Friday's heated discussion about the existence of God and the fundamentals of humanistic morality.
Read full storyBush colonoscopy: surgeons find DC madam's phone number microdots
Camp David - (Ass Mess): Surgeons foraging for polyps hidden deep inside President George W Bush's colon today were surprised to find titanium microdots etched with secret telephone numbers belonging to DC madam Deborah Jean Palfrey's hooker...
Read full storyShell Oil ordered to suspend Alaska drilling pending Corrupt Bastards court case
Anchorage, Alaska - (Ass Mess): The 9th US Circuit Court of Appeals has ordered Shell Oil to stop exploratory drilling off the North Alaska coast until the VECO corruption trials involving Alaskan politician members of the Corrupt Bastards Club are o...
Read full storyVideo games growing addiction in rehab centers
Self-proclaimed video game addicts have been checking into rehabiliation centers in growing numbers. While many clinics are reluctant to accept such a diagnosis, the applicant's health often warrants a recuperative stay.
Read full story2008 Olympic Games' Weather Forecast: Projectiles (with a Slight Chance of Rain)
BEIJING (WTF News) - As China gears up for next summer's Olympic Games, the rest of the world braces for what might happen if it threatens to rain during Opening Ceremonies scheduled for August 8, 2008.
Read full storyOsama Bin Laden Wins Harvard Peace Prize
(Boston) - Terrorist Osama Bin Laden today was awarded the prestigious Harvard Peace Prize for not attacking the United States in the previous year.
Read full storyTSA knuckles under to shoe bombing breast milk feeding terrorist lobby
Washington, D.C. - After several years of lobbying Washington, the shoe bombing breast milk feeding terrorist association today successfully got the TSA to lift its ban against lighters and breast milk. The ban will be lifted on August 4, 2007, givin...
Read full storyJesus Destroys Ten Commandment Tablets
Murphy, North Carolina (IP) - Ham radio operators in the bible belt stronghold of Murphy, North Carolina report that Jesus came into town today, picked up the ten commandment tablets and in a scene similar to the one where he chastised the money chan...
Read full storyHarry Potter Ripped Me Off Says Mr Mop
Those copyright lawyers are rubbing their hands with glee as today sees what could be the biggest book battle ever.
Read full storyAstrology Accused of Being a False Science
Andromeda Galaxy (M-31) - Carl Sagan recently traveled to Earth via a worm hole. He stated that he is living comfortably on planet Zicron. He described it as being a peaceful place where common sense rules and the uncrowded population there does no...
Read full storyPromising Sudoku Game Ends Badly
FAIRFAX, VA. (Heewack News Network) -- A daily Sudoku exercise that began on a promising note for Jim Lazarone ended in a quagmire of mangled numbers and bitterness on an outward-bound Metro train.
Read full storyChild Spots Strings Behind Bush and Other Politicians
Washington, USA (IP UP WE ALL P) - In a scene reminiscent of the underlying theme in the story, "The Emperor Wears No Clothes" a child has observed what appears to be clear monofilament strings rising from the back of the president and most...
Read full storyAl Gore Won't Run - He Might Actually Win
Bosstown, MA (IP UP WE All P) - An interview with Al Gore while he was intoxicated revealed some disturbing truths that could land him in hot water with the powers that really run things.
Read full storyBritain Under Attack From Terrorist Weather Threat
The flooding currently affecting many parts of the British Isles is the work of terrorists, a leading meteorological expert has told police.
Read full storyTranslation software breaks down - no-one can understand Scots any more
In a blow to Alex Salmond's promise to bring Scotland into the 21st century, the translation software that enables the rest of the world to understand what Scotch folk say, has broken down.
Read full storyHeavy Flooding Blamed On Rain
The recent widespread flooding that has affected many parts of the UK, is down to heavy rain, it has been claimed by experts.
Read full storyMan Utd 'Will Never Sell Players To Liverpool' Says Ferguson
Manchester United manager Alice Ferguson made an extraordinary statement on the club's website last night finally ending speculation that Gabriel Heinze might become a Liverpool...
Read full storyIs being gay a choice?
It seems everyone has an opinion as to whether being gay is a product of genetics, environment, biology societal conditioning or something else entirely. A beefy Republican friend of mine -- who claims to be "super straight" -- argues that it's a choice. He's totally anti-gay and brags about how much he hates gays. During our conversation I tried to be diplomatic with him, seeing...
Read full storyL.A. Paparazzi Fail to Photograph David Beckham, Suspect Him of Being a Werewolf
David Beckham and his family have managed to frustrate the L.A. paparazzi so far. They have tried camping outside his home, his parking spot at the soccer stadium and have even been invited in for breakfast at Beckham's home, but still have faile...
Read full storyBush Spends Day Fly Fishing
Washington, USA (IP UP WE All P) - President Bush and Vice President Dick Cheney spent the entire day fly fishing the back waters of the Potomac river today.
Read full storyRon Paul Seeks to Legalize Freedom
In a crushing blow to Republicans, Presidential hopeful Ron Paul announced today that he would like to return the United States to its Constitutional roots, allow people to do any non-violent thing they want and restore privacy rights to ordinary cit...
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