Man Utd 'Will Never Sell Players To Liverpool' Says Ferguson

Funny story written by Monkey Woods

Saturday, 21 July 2007

image for Man Utd 'Will Never Sell Players To Liverpool' Says Ferguson
What would he have said?

Manchester United manager Alice Ferguson made an extraordinary statement on the club's website last night finally ending speculation that Gabriel Heinze might become a Liverpool player.

The Argentine has been locked in a furious battle to leave Old Trafford for some time now, but thus far, the Reds' manager has resisted the temptation to offload the disgruntled player.

Last night though, Ferguson told fans on that their arch rivals would never, in his lifetime, be sold a United player:

"I can assure you that Liverpool will not be getting Gabriel Heinze", he said, adding "they'll have to kill me first."

The only player ever to have made the move from United to Liverpool in modern times, was Phil Chisnall in 1962, when Ferguson was only 20 years old, but the Scot remembers it well.

"I told myself, it was my duty as a Red-blooded fan to prevent that from happening again. Never, in the field of football conflict, would so many, owe so much, to so few - that 'few' being me."

Heinze has been playing for Argentina in the Copa America, and has instructed his agent to take the necessary steps to ensure his departure from Old Trafford is swift. He is unhappy with Ferguson's style of management, and would take up almost any genuine offers to sign for another club.

"I'd even sign for West Ham", he said.

The funny story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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