Winner Announced In Harry Potter Look-Alike Contest
July 20th saw Harry Potter Look Alike-Contest take place in every Barnes and Noble, Borders, Hastings, and every other major book store/retailer in the U.S., Canada, and the United Kingdom. Pictures from those contest winners were all e-mailed to J.
Read full storyMuchi Hai Says No More Fooling Around With My Brain
(Tokyo) - Japanese teen, Muchi Hai, 18, who in the past few months has had a cell phone implanted in her brain, was kicked out of Disneyland
Read full storyConspiracy against Gravel, Kucinich uncovered
In what is being called the most surprising, infuriating, and exciting news story yet concerning the 2008 US presidential election, a conspiracy has been uncovered which was intended to target democratic presidential candidates Mike Gravel and Dennis...
Read full storySix million Britons living in households where nobody works
Buckingham Palace - (Ass Mess): Six million Brits are living in households where nobody works, just like old Fatty Mountbatten, the Puppet Monarch imported from Stalinist Russia after their pals the Luftwaffe succesfully bombed Buck House and its roy...
Read full storySaudi Arabia expels four UK embassy staff
Riyadh - (As Mes): Saudi Arabia is to expel four UK embassy staff in a tit-for-tat reltalliation of four Rusian envoys being booted out of London and amid the furor over Moscow's refusal to extradite the spy suspected of Alexander Litvinenko'...
Read full storyTom Cruise back in Nazi uniform
Berlin, Germany - (Associated Messerschmitts): It's taken a lot of effort to keep him from outing himself in public. And today Tom Cruise finally cracked and donned his beloved Nazi uniform so he could strut around pretending to be Count Claus v...
Read full storyWorst summer's day 20 July to be followed by "something even more horrid": soothsayers predict
London - (Ass Mess): Not to be outdone by the Meteorological Office's grim predictions that Friday 20 July "will be the wettest and worst Summer's day since records began" the World Wiccan Council astrology division has issued its o...
Read full storyDiana Alive!
Princess Diana is alive and well. She has apparently spent the last 10 years posing as her own dummy in Madame Tussauds.
Read full storyLabour Party gone to pot
Whitehall, London SW1 - (Ass Mess): The Government has issued a formal statement clarifying the position regarding which member of Cabinet has yet to try smoking a spliff following today's revelations tha Home Secretary Jackie Smith smoked like a...
Read full storyRupert Murdoch & Wall Street Journal Feud Over Font
The Wall Street Journal staff and Rupert Murdoch are battling over the future layout of the newspaper. The biggest sticking point appears to be over what font will be used.
Read full storyGeorge Bush is Ted Bundy's Evil Twin Brother
Starke, Florida (IP) - DNA research conducted in the prison town, Starke, Florida (where Florida's electric chair sits idle) on serial killer Ted Bundy's body has revealed that he and George W. Bush are actually twins.
Read full storyHare Club for Men's Presidents Arrested for False Claims
Horsebreath, Iowa (IP) - Hare Club for Men presidents Telly Savalas and Yul Brynner were arrested on false claims and advertising today . They had been showing before and after photographs of their supposed customers.
Read full storyGeorge Bush to be deported to the UK
Buckingham Palace: Following David Beckham's move to the US, England too asked for a major draw in order to clear the United States' debt to her. The result? Well, it's probably one that would please Amer...
Read full storyElton Jack to Become Professional Weeper at Funerals
Hollywierd, California (IP) - Elton John has not been seen nor been heard from much as of late and now he has re-surfaced in a totally new incarnation.
Read full storyObnoxious Words and Phrases Banned
Pahokee, Florida (IP) - People with good taste have banned together and decided to ban certain words and phrases which have become boring, worn out, and obnoxious due to their over use and mindless repetition.
Read full storyDiana Memorial Fountain "oozing blood" ahead of Camilla's 60th birthday party
Hype Park, London - (ReUterus & Ass Mess): The Diana, Princess of Wales Memorial Fountain in Hype Park has suddenly begun to ooze blood just days ahead of Camilla's official 60th birthday party at the Pretender to the Throne's country home Hi...
Read full storyU.S. May Replace Eagle As National Symbol
The fierce, independent American bald eagle may be replaced as the national symbol of the United States. The new U.S. symbol? It may be a chicken.
Read full storyFive mile exclusion zone bans Middleton from Highgrove on Saturday
Gloucestershire - (Ass Mess): Gloucestershire police have confirmed that a five mile radius exclusion zone has been imposed around Highgrove House, home of the Pretender to the Throne, banning desperately wannabe somebody Kate Middleton from a party...
Read full storySpanish Housewife Gored At Running Of The Bulls
Latest reports say that a woman from Barcelona who was gored 'half to death' at the annual Running of the Bulls in Pamplona, was taken there by her husband. Consuela Martinez, 48, told hospital staff that her husband, Henrique, had taken her to Pa…
Read full storyAl Gore chomps his way through dozens of endangered species
Washington DC - (Rioters): Not content with serving up a 25lb Patagonian Toothfish - one of the world's most endangered marine species - for his daughter's wedding reception, Al Gore has been reported dining out regularly on dozens of other p...
Read full storyNorth Carolina Declares Itself Trailer Park Trash Sanctuary
Andrews, North Carolina (IP) - North Carolina Governor Bruno Newthead began the press conference by stating that being trailer park trash (TPT) is merely a state of mind and that simply living in a trailer park did not automatically make a person TP...
Read full storyJacqui Smith Is A Pot-head
Home Secretary Jacqui Smith has admitted she is an habitual drug-taker, and that she regularly smokes cannabis, reports the BBC.
Read full storyJupiter and Saturn Breaking Up
Mount Palomar, Ca (IP) - News from this observatory campus indicates that the planets Jupiter and Saturn are breaking up.
Read full storyBritish Tennis Youngsters Told To "Give Up"
Young British tennis hopefuls should spend less time on court because of the danger of being humiliated once they turn professional, a study says.
Read full storyShilpa Shetty Unveiled As New Leeds United Manager
Bollywood actress Shilpa Shetty was this morning unveiled as the surprise new manager of League One Leeds United, as the Yorkshire club set out its stall to put its own name back in bright lights.
Read full storyCarbon Yeti
For years unconfirmed reports of a Carbon Yeti have come out America with alarming regularity, but today the most convincing piece of evidence to date has been discovered.
Read full storyAn Interview with David Beckham by a Los Angeles Journalist
Hollywood's new star checked in for an interview with our Rogan Bishop. Beckham is rumoured to have had wood during the whole interview.
Read full storyMurder Suspect Accused Of Murdering Himself Appears At Crown Court
Judges have said that in the first case of its kind in the entire history of the legal system in England, a man appeared before Hull Crown Court yesterday charged with murdering himself.
Read full storyeBay In Court Over Boy's Missing Playstation2 Games
A 15-year-old boy from Norfolk who bought a games console and games on eBay has taken the company to the High Court after it was revealed that the product he received was missing vital parts.
Read full storyExtra-Terrestrials - Proof At Last!
The world stared in awe today at the two lastest space-beings that have come to make their home in LA, Calif. The "odd couple" as they have been described, arrived in a blaze of media hype.
Read full storyA Menu Change At Taco Bell
(MUSICMAN PRESS) Mexican Food Giant Taco Bell has made several menu changes lately, in the intrest of health. The changes are part of a healthier Taco Bell.
Read full storyCity of Verona bans Romeo & Juliet
Today the Department of Education in the city of Verona, Italy, has reached a decision, and officially banned the well-known play "Romeo and Juliet" from the school education system.
Read full storyBBC Broadcasting House Is A Fake And Is Not Really There
The BBC faced fresh embarrassment last night when it was realised that Broadcasting House, the corporation's headquarters, is not really there.
Read full storyCensured comedy writer at 'The Vegetable' caught attempting to copulate with a palm tree; officials charge attempted date rape
Coachella Valley, California - A self-described comedy writer at 'The Vegetable' was arrested during predawn hours today in Indio, California for attempting to copulate with a palm tree in a commercial date grove. The twenty-something male wa...
Read full storyGiuliani chooses unsurprising running mate
In a truly unexpected move, Republican Presidential hopeful and former New York mayor Rudy Giuliani has prematurely chosen his running mate-Osama Bin Laden. Although considered presumptuous by many, his choice of running mate is widely considered to...
Read full storyWillie Nelson Finishing New Album; Plans World Tour
Country music legend and American treasure Willie Nelson has just announced that he is almost finished with the recording of his new album and that he plans a world tour in early 2008.
Read full storyExplosion in New York City not due to terrorism but failing infrastructure
New York, New York - Reminding us all of the sights and sounds on 9/11, it was the citizens of the city that does not sleep, however, that woke up to an explosion and rising cloud column as high as the nearby Chrysler building in mid-town Manhattan t...
Read full storyBig Fire in Herts
A huge inferno caused most of Watford devastation this morning. It started as a small fire but escalated when a toy fire truck turned up.
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