Hype Park, London - (ReUterus & Ass Mess): The Diana, Princess of Wales Memorial Fountain in Hype Park has suddenly begun to ooze blood just days ahead of Camilla's official 60th birthday party at the Pretender to the Throne's country home Highgrove House.
Highgrove used to be Diana's country seat as well and still hold many of the missing jigsaw puzzle pieces that relate to the mystery of how George Bush Senior's daughter by Marcia Williams - UK PM Harold Wilson's bit of fluff on the side - managed to slime her way into the Spencer family and take over the ID and persona of the young girl that was murdered and buried nearby in the royal residence Sandringham House.
"Each year arounf the time of Camilla's birthday we see something horrid in the Diana Fountain waters," A royal Parks Agency source said today.
"Normally this could be anything from a couple of spatch-cocked, barely-alive toads, or voodoo dolls bearing the Prince of Wales Feathers, even a corn-dolly with Camilla's photo on it and a couple os swastikas etched across the face.
"But this year we have found genuine human blood. Gallons of it. And it appears to be seeping directly from the masonry of the fountain and into the waters themselves.
"We're having it analysed and think it might be DNA-connected to the genetic material of the dissappeared Irish peer Lord Lucan.
"Some experts have warned us though not o be surprised if there's some equine element to the blood's DNA as well.
"For instance, this could be the final clue in the dissappearance of Shergar.
"We should know more by the weekend."
Meanwhile visitors are still flocking to the Hype Park attraction and still immersing themselves in its crystal healing waters in the hope of being cured of the credulity that makes them believe in the Puppet Monarchy's greatest cons.
Lord Levy is 69.
