Written by Monkey Woods

Thursday, 19 July 2007

image for British Tennis Youngsters Told To "Give Up"
That's it, kids, go and have a game of something else!

Young British tennis hopefuls should spend less time on court because of the danger of being humiliated once they turn professional, a study says.

The youngsters practise for many hours per week, and miss out on a normal childhood, experts have warned. They pour far too much time and effort into becoming something largely unachievable.

The study of 33 'elite' young tennis prospects by the Royal National Society for the Study of Embarrassment & Humiliation, found that intensive training often led to delusional behaviour and, in rare cases, terminal false hopes.

It's thought that top class tennis professionals need to put in about 10,000 hours over a 10-year period to stand a chance of becoming a potential champion.

But the study, published in the British Sports Failures journal, states that the youngsters might be better off spending their time with other children playing Hopscotch and Conkers.

British tennis legend Tim Henman, who had a hill named after him, said:

"I practised for 20 hours a day, 7 days a week, for 10 years, and look at how little I achieved."

The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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