Buckingham Palace - (Ass Mess): Six million Brits are living in households where nobody works, just like old Fatty Mountbatten, the Puppet Monarch imported from Stalinist Russia after their pals the Luftwaffe succesfully bombed Buck House and its royal inhabitants in September 1940.
Old Fatty gets a weekly benefit cheque handout from the British taxpayer and has squatted the royal residences by blackmailing succesive UK Prime Monsters like Tory Blair and Margaret Thatcher.
Like the astonishing one in six households across the UK that are officially classified as 'workless' - having adults of working age but none with a proper job - Old Fatty M is incapable of putting in an honest day's work for an honest day's pay.
Instead she has been kept amused with countless made-up reasons to dres up and pretend to be the country's monarch.
Her old dad Afold Hitler was a dab hand at getting his way with pesky foreign neighbors. And Old Fatty M herself has managed to include blackmailing the Common Market countries as well as the USA to cling on to the illusion of being King George VI's daughter Elizabeth.
The National Audit Office reports keep lambasting the Government for failing to tackle this hard-core fascist.
They have repeatedly warned that those living in workless households risk drifting into a spiral of sloth, megalomania and crime - with a huge cost to society.
"At a time when hundreds of thousands of foreign migrants are being allowed into Britain to work, this report utterly condems the utter stupidity of clinging on to this cold-war nutter with her dodgy hats and fake upper class accent," the report's author warns today.
"Once again we note with horror the fresh questions over the combined effects of the Government's immigration and employment strategies and this daftass old bat squatting in our royal palaces."
Lord Levy is 69.