WASH, AC/DC—Senator Eliza Beth War On wants to invoke the US Constitution's 25th Amendment, which allows Congress to remove the president if he (or she—not that there's ever been a “she” in the office, unless either Eleanor Roosevelt or Barack Obama...
New Yawk, New Yawk--Tennis player Alize (French for “Alice”) Cornet (French for “Horn”) took off her shirt during a US Open match against Sweden's Johanna (Swedish for “Joanna”) Larsson (Swedish for “Larson”). Horn claims she was “hot.” (Many male...
Lun Dun, Eng Lund—Lun Duners, like other Britz, hate their mayor, Sad Ick Khan (no relation, as far as anyone knows, to either Genghis or Kubla), and, to show it, they took up a collection to protest his existence. More than 16 million people (twi...
Palm Tree, Florida—In God-forsaken Palm Tree, an unincorporated town nestled in the Everglades, Jackie Tripper “went ballistic,” her husband Jack told The Spoof, when she saw "an honest-to-God dinosaur.” “Jackie had just dropped acid while watchin...
Nabiscuit, owner of Humbug's Animal Crackers, under pressure from the People for the Extermination of Animals (PETA), has done “the unthinkable,” Greg Shee Ann, the Acting Director of the United States Fish and Wildlife Service, whined. The compan...
It was okay for Gretchen Carlson to strut her stuff onstage during the 1989 Miss America Beauty Pageant, but that was a looonnnnnngggggggg time ago. Carlson, who was born (some say spawned) in 1966, was only 29 then, and she had, according to the jud...
Denvah, Collie Raddo—Has-been NFL quarterback John L. Way, who now manages to manage the Denvah Broncs, said, “No way will Colon Pencildick play foosball for my team. He stinks.” The has-been quarterback and general manager of the Broncs added, “W...
La La land, USA—In a follow-up to a Gal Lupp poll in which 51% of DemocRATs confessed to preferring socialism to capitalism, respondents to the poll gave their reasons for their preference. “Why work when I can get stuff free?” Freddy the Freeload...
Caracas, Venezuela—Venezuelan President Nicolás “The Madman” Maduro wants to know "what [expletive deleted] happened" a week ago, when explosives-laden drones “went off,” injuring seven soldiers in what appears to have been an attempt on the dickhead...
Karlsruhe, Deutschland—A terrified man called police when he was threatened by a squirrel. The tiny rodent, whom authorities identified as a baby, was in hot pursuit of the victim when police arrived on the scene. “It was a sight to behold,” on...
Alexandria, VA — Art Tiste, an impressionistic watercolor painter employed by the USA All the Way tabloid, who asked to remain anonymous, says he hopes the trial of Paul Manafort continues for “as long as possible.” Manafort's financial fraud trial i...
My Ami, Florida—Pubix, a Florida grocery chain, has posted signs outside its stores: no dogs allowed (unless they are trained service dogs) and no dogs allowed in or on grocery carts (even if they are trained service dogs). The problem is that the do...
Choke-a-Kola is whining that a 10-percent tariff on imported aluminum makes its product more expensive. As a result, the company claims, it has no alternative but to “pass on” the costs of the tariffs to consumers. To make up the difference, Choke-a...
Shithole, New JoiseyThom Crapper, 42, the former superintendent of a New Joisey Skool District, took a leave of flatulence—uh, absence—after he was identified as the “mystery pooper” who left “deposits” on a rival high school's track. “I couldn't hel...
SACKRAHMINTO, CALIFORNICATE — The not-so-great state of Californicate banned its residents from traveling to Oklahoma because officials do not approve of the OK State's allegedly discriminatory law against LesbianGayBisexualTransgenderQuestioning (LG...
DIZNEE'Z LAND, CALIFORNICATE—Mickey Mouse has put Diznee'z Land off limits to paying customers. From now on, the mouse decreed, he will allow “guests” to visit only some parks on some days. “Which ones and when depends on my mood,” the rodent explain...
MON AMI, FLORIDATED — In an attempt to cut costs, Amerikan Airlines drove a wingless passenger van off a four-story parking garage at Mon Ami International Airport. The fifty-year-old pilot, Mahatma Kane Jeeves, who asked to remain anonymous, sust...
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