MON AMI, FLORIDATED — In an attempt to cut costs, Amerikan Airlines drove a wingless passenger van off a four-story parking garage at Mon Ami International Airport.
The fifty-year-old pilot, Mahatma Kane Jeeves, who asked to remain anonymous, sustained “minor injuries,” Ima Dick, an airline spokesperson, claimed, “although our aircraft wasn't as lucky.” The passengers aboard the van were not injured, she insisted, “unless cuts, bruises, and abrasions count as injuries.”
The ill-fated voyage had been a “test flight,” Dick alleged.
Prior to the crash, the airline had conducted “similar tests” using a drone occupied by “action figures in lieu of people, and the incident was without incident,” Dick said.
The aircraft, believed to be a 2007 Ford Econoline Van worth approximately $25,000, cost the airline almost $12 million less than a Boeing 737 MAX. However, the Econoline can seat only eight passengers, whereas the Boeing seats over two hundred.
“We wouldn't use the van on international flights,” Dick said, “but it would make one hell of a 'puddle jumper' for regional trips, and the aircraft features a lot more legroom for its passengers than the Boeing offers.”
Passengers may board the Econoline with “extra baggage, too,” Dick promised, “because we pile luggage on the van's roof.”
Although the Federal Aviation Administration is still investigating the crash, Dick is optimistic that the Econoline will “soon take to the skies.”
“If Amazon can deliver packages by drone,” she said, “Amerikan can transport passengers by delivery van.”