Recommended Alternatives to Choke-a-Kola

Funny story written by Gee Pee

Saturday, 28 July 2018

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Choke-a-Kola is whining that a 10-percent tariff on imported aluminum makes its product more expensive. As a result, the company claims, it has no alternative but to “pass on” the costs of the tariffs to consumers. To make up the difference, Choke-a-Kola will charge $225 per can for a 12-ounce Choke.

“Red” Bull, a Choke fan, wonders “Why can't they just stop putting aluminum in their sodas? For the price they want to charge now, they could go back to putting cocaine in their drinks, and high-grade cocaine, at that.”

For those who don't want to pay Choke's freight, there are well over a hundred alternatives, including, to mention only a few that pay handsomely for endorsements, 7 Urp, A&W Root Brew, Dr. Pecker, Mountain Phew, Tipsy Cola, and Spite, which are all highly recommended.

A spokesperson for Choke-a-Kola said, “We believe our customers will pay through the nose for our product. There's nothing like a Choke.”

Penny Pincher, who figures she's gained 80 pounds and lost three teeth as a result of drinking ten or twelve Choke-a-Kolas per day, says, “Their net worth is something like $158 billion, and they want to charge me $225 for a 12-ounce can of Choke? How much money do the greedy-ass members of their board of executives need?”

When Pincher's question was addressed to the Choke-a-Kola spokesperson, Dee Oxhide, who asked to remain anonymous, she responded, “No kolas were harmed in Choke-a-Kola's decision to gouge their customers.”

President Trump weighed in on Choke's struggles: “My favorite drink is gin.”

The funny story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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