Washington DC/ Ms. Scarfo Brick of the COWVID19 task-force explained to a subdued, masked, gagged, bedraggled, whipped and bound gaggle of reporters in the Rose Garden today that it was COVID19 that killed all those folks recently In Beirut.
CVID19 caused gross indigestion resulting in synchronized flatulence. The huge cloud of gas was then ignited by a cigarette. This adds over a hundred to the world-wide death count. We are now advising everyone to wear butt plugs to avoid tragic deaths in the future.
At this point the military came out and started installing the newly required items amongst the reporters whose muffled screams blended nicely with the plopping noises as the devices homed.
I barely escaped.