Lockdown to be enforced on alternate days

Funny story written by Mister Meaner

Saturday, 1 August 2020

image for Lockdown to be enforced on alternate days
The government at the moment

The on-off on-off lockdown put in place by the government due to the Coronavirus is set to be scheduled for yet another change, according to reports coming out of Downing Street this morning.

All but 'essential workers' were told to "baton down the hatches" in March, but this changed at the beginning of July, when hairdressers were allowed to go back to work.

"We knew everyone's hair was getting long," said PM Boris Johnson, "and we couldn't risk a head lice epidemic."

Other people were still required to maintain a safe distance from each other, but trips to Spain were permitted.

Then, earlier this week, Mr. Johnson announced an easing of lockdown conditions, saying that, although the deadly pandemic was still deadly, it was showing signs of being less deadly than it had been.

A day later, came the news that a potential second wave of the virus might engulf the whole country if the lockdown were eased too quickly.

Now, top-paid ministers have come up with an idea they think will suit everyone: Alternate Day Lockdown.

The plan is simple, and the details are as follows:

Monday: Lockdown
Tuesday: not Lockdown
Wednesday: Lockdown
Thursday: not Lockdown
Friday: Lockdown
Saturday: not Lockdown
Sunday: not Lockdown

Ministers thought Sunday should be a non-Lockdown day so that people could get away to the seaside for a couple of days, or spend an extended period catching up with families and friends.

The government is currently running around like a headless chicken.

The funny story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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