NEW YORK CITY – (Sports Satire) - MLB Commissioner Rob “The Man” Manfred says that he has been catching hell from a lot of people regarding the baseball season.
He explained to sports reporters that none of the players are adhering to the no high-fiving, no fist-bumping, and no spitting policy.
Manfred noted that he has never seen so much spitting going on in the dugout. He attributes it to nerves, fear, and basic orneriness.
Several players on the Florida Marlins team were seen sharing a family order of McDonald’s French Fries.
And two members of the St. Louis Cardinals were playfully spitting sunflower seeds at each other.
The commissioner informed a group of sports writers, that the way players are coming down with the Coronapalooza virus, baseball will be striking out shortly.
Manfred noted that his wife has made it abundantly clear to him that if he doesn’t cancel the season, she is going to take the kids, the dog, and their pet pelican (Petey) and move to Tijuana, Mexico, where they’ll be safe from the Trumpalooza pandemic.
So it sounds like pretty soon we'll no longer be hearing that obligatory baseball organ ditty, ta, ta, ta, ta, ta, ta, ta, ta, ta, ta, ta, ta, ta.