WASHINGTON, D.C. – President Trump has talked to the commissioner of the NFL, and has instructed him that the 2020 NFL football season will start on time.
Trump told Commissioner Roger Goodell that he does not care if only 43 people show up to each game, he wants the games to start on September 10, come rain, shine, a hurricane, or a 6.3 earthquake.
He went on to say that he wants all of the shelter-in-placers, the self-isolators, and the stay-at-homers to be able to watch the games on TV, and buy the advertised products like Coca-Cola, KFC, Cheetos, and Trump Steaks.
The commissioner reportedly told the president that he has decided that the season opener will be postponed until Thanksgiving Day.
Trump responded by saying that, if he (Goodell) does not abide by his command, that he will have no choice but to send CIA agents to his residence and have him taken into custody.
POTUS added that he will then have him flown to Guantanamo Bay Prison in Cuba, where he will share a cell with a psychotic Colombian cartel hit man.
Goodell remarked that he is not worried, because last year he bought an isolated underground bunker that is located in a crocodile-infested bayou swamp in Louisiana that even a FedEx man couldn’t find.
