Washington, DC - If you've been wondering what VP Harris has been up too since solving the border crisis, the wait is over.
On Friday, Biden held a press conference in the Rose Garden, to explain that his VP has been busy training the first dogs in his new 'Guide Dogs For The Stupid' plan.
The guide dogs project was tucked into his $1.6 billion dollar Build Back Better infrastructure deal. The project is estimated to help 1000's, if not 100's, of really stupid people, across the south and midwest.
Although Harris herself wasn't allowed to speak, she nodded vigorously, while Papa Joe did the talking.
"These dogs are amazing, man," told Biden over the barking puppies. "Not only will they drool on cigarettes left unattended, but they will bark if their owner is buying three assault riffles, or watching too much Tucker Carlson."
People clapped.
"If that silly Carl Rittenhouse had of had one of these dogs, he never would have armed himself with an AR-15 to go and defend an empty store front in Kenosha, man. See, that was just stupid. And a guide dog could have saved that young man a hell of a lot of trouble. That boy was almost a prison volleyball, man. He'd have three assholes by Wednesday." Biden held up three fingers, so the really stupid they had brought in could understand.
Harris nodded like crazy, and even started jumping around a bit. Biden was hot on the mic. People were clapping. Puppies were yelping. Even the really very stupid standing beside Harris were starting to get it.
"Imagine, these dogs will bury your crack pipe in the yard, but so much more. They will keep people away from White Supremacy rallies. "Like that idiot in Charlottesville a while back, that ran over and and killed a lady, cuz of Trump. He sure as shit coulda used a Guide Dog for the Stupid...ain't that right, Camilla?"
Harris frowned, and sniffed her butt. Biden knew he got her name wrong again and tried to fluff it off.
"Watch this!" Biden said to cover the gaff, and slipped on his aviator shades.
At this point, VP Harris looked pissed. CNN reports an audible growl from her.
Biden flashed a small confederate flag from his coat pocket like a magician, or a clown (you decide) and threw it on the lawn. The golden lab that Harris was holding shot from her hand and almost immediately took a giant stemming pile of crap, directly on the flag.
Harris looked pissed. According to White House staff, that was apparently her big trick. "He'll do that on a Trump flag, too!" the VP finally blurted into Biden's mic, with a big, fake smile, before being told to Sit & Behave.
"So just call 1-800-STOOPID. These dogs will help you, man! ...Okay, back to dealing with McConnell and the gang."
An aid then discreetly handed VP Harris a small treat, which made her feel better. She smiled and wigged her butt a tiny little bit, before following her leader back up the steps.
