MOSCOW – (World Satire) – The Kremlin Voice is reporting that President Putin called up President Trump, and expressed how sad he was that he got his ass kicked by President-to-be-Joe Biden.
Vladimir expressed that he has no idea how it feels to lose, because, unlike Trump, he has never been a loser.
He asked Trump what he planned to do now that he’ll just be another John Q. Public. Trump replied that he may run for governor of Alabama, where, he says 102% of the people love him and even refer to him as "Masser Donald."
Putin told POTUS that he wants him to join him in Russia, and he’ll appoint him to his Communist cabinet, and make him Comrade Secretary of Golf.
Trump reportedly got so excited that he literally peed in his golf pants. He told Vlady he’d gladly accept the job. He even asked if he could bring his favorite child, Ivanka, with him.
The Anarchist-in-Chief asked Putin if they had a McDonalds in Moscow. He was told they did, and let out a scream of joy, that would make a fucking banshee proud.
Meanwhile, Melania Trump told CNN's Don Lemon that she wouldn’t move to Russia for all the damn cottonpickin' cotton in Mississippi.