WASHINGTON, D.C. – (Satire News) – The Vox Populi News Agency is reporting that a source within the White House, says that Trump is so upset and depressed that he has locked himself in the White House Bunker.
Just before the president got inside the bunker he asked his chief adviser, and ‘unofficial’ girlfriend, Hope Hicks, to tell the American people that the rumor about him divorcing Melania, so he can marry Fox News host Sean Hannity is simply fake news that was made up by treasonous back-stabbers Mike Pence, Lindsay Graham, and Kimberly Guilfoyle.
He stressed that, he does not like men, but that if he did, he would definitely not marry Hannity, whom he has described as looking like a cross between Fred Flintstone and the fucking Chupacabra.
Some months back, a reporter for iRumors posed the hypothetical question to Trump, of who he would marry, assuming he was attracted to males.
Trump giggled and said that there are only two men, who he finds hot, sexy, and definitely husband material.
When asked to name them, he replied Vladimir Putin and Kin-Jong-un.
POTUS told his all-time favorite reporter, Maria Bartiromo, that he is planning on writing a book titled, “The Art of Being a Mean, Evil, Racist, Hate-Spewing, Hitler-Loving Son-of-a-Bitch.”